The end of the semester always has those couple weeks of panic as you question whether you've learned anything that semester, or at least enough to pass the final. You always feel kind of stressed out and the need to study, study, study. Well my miscarriage happened about a week and a half before finals and I had NO motivation to study. So I didn't. Sure, I stressed about it, but I can honestly say I studied less than an hour for all my classes combined. You can imagine my stress as I sat in class getting ready to take finals with my brain screaming, "WE'VE WORKED SO HARD ALL SEMESTER FOR AN A AND I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE ABOUT TO LOSE IT. WAY TO GO, DUMBASS." Fortunately I did not lose my A's and passed with a 4.0 semester, leaving me with a 3.92 for my overall GPA for my associates degree. This also means that since I did absolutely no preparation for finals, I feel like the semester is not over, like I'm still dreading the long week before finals that is filled with studying.
But it's over! I won't have to do that! My brain doesn't understand that though so I'm in this perpetual state of anxiety in a way. I think I feel this way every time a semester ends and then I start summer school right as it's starting to wear off, but this summer I don't even have classes. Hot damn, it's going to be a good summer.
So this is where I stand with school: I am joining the big leagues (why is there a u in that word?) next semester and am finally at NAU. I will be applying for the nursing program in October (yes, nursing, I'll get to the explanation later) with the hopes of being accepted into the undergraduate program to start the nursing program in January. Then I have two and a half years of that and I have a bachelors in nursing! I'll probably work for a fews years, pay of loans, then go back to school to get my Nurse Practitioners license and do a lot of doctor stuff without having to actually be a doctor with hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.
You may question my sanity at this point, wondering why I've gone from teaching, to nursing, to med school, to possible naturopathy school, then back to nursing. In the short version, med school is not worth it to me and I'm not passionate enough about it to make it worth it to me. Now for the longer version.
Before I was pregnant, when I thought about going to med school I knew it was going to be tough with a child, but didn't think it would be that big of a deal to have Vince essentially be the sole parent for a few years while I made it through the tough parts. He was fine with that and was willing to compromise knowing that it wouldn't last forever. Then I got pregnant and was like, 'Hellllll no, I'm not having Vince be a single parent. I'd like to raise our kid together, thank you very much.'
I read a lot of forums with women who were in med school who decided to have children, and almost all of them said being a doctor was ultimately the most important thing in their life and that they would make it work in any way possible because it was a lifelong dream. They were ok missing years of their children's childhoods because in the end, they'd be a doctor. Unfortunately, I do not feel that way at all. My family will always come first, no matter what, and I feel like that is not an attitude you can have and successfully make it through med school as a female. How can I say I won't be in class because my child has a kindergarten play coming up? It just wouldn't work.
I lived with my grandparents for a few years growing up and would go back and forth to my dad's house, depending on his work schedule. He didn't want to miss out on our lives so much, but as a single parent, he had to. He had no other choice but to work 24+ hour shifts or overnight shifts. Luckily us kids turned out just fine, but it's not something I have to do. I don't have to go days without seeing my children so I can put food on the table. I'd be choosing to do that, and for what? To say I'm a doctor? That title isn't that important to me and I know I can me a much more useful person as a nurse and make just as much of a difference in this world.
"Why don't you just postpone having kids," you ask? Simply put, I married an old guy and I want babies. Lots of babies. If I were to wait until I was out of med school, not counting residency, that would be at least six years away. Depending on what field of medicine I go into, I have a minimum residency of three years but if I do pediatric oncology, up to six years. So total time, I have 9-12 years of hard work left. That's a million years in uterus time and Vince will be in his mid-late 40s. I've got nothing against older dads, but I'm not going to choose to have my kids have an older dad if I can avoid it because by the time we got to kid two, three or four? Let's get real, he'd be grandpa's age.
So that's that. I'm happy with the decision, though not happy I've taken so may extra classes towards a different major. Ya, I now have an associates, but that doesn't mean anything except extra debt at this point!
Showing posts with label Medical World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Medical World. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Food, meds, and a touch of embarrassment.
|| Beautiful lunches are fun. I didn't have any clean pyrex dishes and didn't have time to wash one before work so I put my salad in a large mason jar. Not very practical to eat out of unless you like dressing on the sides of your hands or a long fork, but it's practical for transporting salad and an egg.
|| There is something oddly satisfying about seeing your clothes hang dry. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I know I'm saving money and the environment one shirt at a time? More than likely it's the sight of all the pretty colors of my clothes in my living room.
|| Medicine sucks, and unfortunately I have a condition that can't really be cured by diet, meditation, or anything other than that medicine. I have to take it three times a day and sometimes it is incredibly hard to remember. More than anything, it's not that I completely forget to take it, but when I go to take it I can't remember if I already took it for that time period! I've started to say weird things to myself, like, 'You took your medicine at 1pm while you were feeding the fish you forgot to feed this morning.' It worked for a while, but now all the days/times I've done that are blending together and I'm back to forgetting. I've thought about getting a granny pill case, but I don't want to carry it around for only three pills. Any ideas? Maybe there's an app where I can push a button that keeps track of it? (Gosh, as I sit here typing this, I looked at my medicine bottle and thought, "Did I take the pill before I started this post like I meant to? Aggh!!"
|| I bought a planner a while ago and I love it. Thanks, Lisa, for the inspiration! I got the 8.5x5" Blue Sky planner from Target for $7.99 and it's the perfect size. I also bought a pretty blue/white paper clip instead of the boring black/silver ones.
|| I finally transferred all 30,000+ pictures from my MacBook to my external hard drive, and then to my iMac. I've stupidly not had them backed at all and I've been freaking out about it for ohhhh, a couple years now? They are now safe and sound and deleted from my laptop so it runs very quickly again! I also transferred all my music so I don't have to worry about losing it.
|| Husband, while googling a bookstore phone number to see if they have a video game: 'How do you spell Hasting's? Apparently I'm spelling it wrong. Oh wait, no, I was typing it into the youtube search box. That's why none of the stuff made sense."
|| I did something highly embarrassing the other day. I came home from school/work and told Vince about it, and he said if he had a blog it's something he'd blog about just because I make fun of him so much. (See above.) I admit I have more opportunities to make fun of him between this blog, Instagram, and Facebook, so now I'll embarrass myself for him: I put my underwear on wrong. I very rarely wear thong underwear, but the pants I was wearing called for them. Turns out, I put them on sideways and I literally did not have five minutes to myself the whole day in order to put them on correctly. Instead, I was slightly uncomfortable and just felt like an idiot. I texted my friend about it and the good news is I'm not the only one who has done this. Have any of you ladies done that? Please say yes and spare me the shame.
|| There is something oddly satisfying about seeing your clothes hang dry. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I know I'm saving money and the environment one shirt at a time? More than likely it's the sight of all the pretty colors of my clothes in my living room.
|| Medicine sucks, and unfortunately I have a condition that can't really be cured by diet, meditation, or anything other than that medicine. I have to take it three times a day and sometimes it is incredibly hard to remember. More than anything, it's not that I completely forget to take it, but when I go to take it I can't remember if I already took it for that time period! I've started to say weird things to myself, like, 'You took your medicine at 1pm while you were feeding the fish you forgot to feed this morning.' It worked for a while, but now all the days/times I've done that are blending together and I'm back to forgetting. I've thought about getting a granny pill case, but I don't want to carry it around for only three pills. Any ideas? Maybe there's an app where I can push a button that keeps track of it? (Gosh, as I sit here typing this, I looked at my medicine bottle and thought, "Did I take the pill before I started this post like I meant to? Aggh!!"
|| I bought a planner a while ago and I love it. Thanks, Lisa, for the inspiration! I got the 8.5x5" Blue Sky planner from Target for $7.99 and it's the perfect size. I also bought a pretty blue/white paper clip instead of the boring black/silver ones.
|| I finally transferred all 30,000+ pictures from my MacBook to my external hard drive, and then to my iMac. I've stupidly not had them backed at all and I've been freaking out about it for ohhhh, a couple years now? They are now safe and sound and deleted from my laptop so it runs very quickly again! I also transferred all my music so I don't have to worry about losing it.
|| Husband, while googling a bookstore phone number to see if they have a video game: 'How do you spell Hasting's? Apparently I'm spelling it wrong. Oh wait, no, I was typing it into the youtube search box. That's why none of the stuff made sense."
|| I did something highly embarrassing the other day. I came home from school/work and told Vince about it, and he said if he had a blog it's something he'd blog about just because I make fun of him so much. (See above.) I admit I have more opportunities to make fun of him between this blog, Instagram, and Facebook, so now I'll embarrass myself for him: I put my underwear on wrong. I very rarely wear thong underwear, but the pants I was wearing called for them. Turns out, I put them on sideways and I literally did not have five minutes to myself the whole day in order to put them on correctly. Instead, I was slightly uncomfortable and just felt like an idiot. I texted my friend about it and the good news is I'm not the only one who has done this. Have any of you ladies done that? Please say yes and spare me the shame.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Babies and Hives
Once multiple people tell me I have to blog again, I realize that I do. The past few weeks have been rough though, so I haven't really wanted to blog, or even been able to because it's been private. But now, since nothing is actually happening, it's no longer private and I can talk about it! And talk about it I will.
A couple months ago I somehow convinced the dear husband of mine that we should have a baby, now. After me explaining my reasons, like the fact that I don't want to be pregnant in med school and if we have a kid now they would be that much closer to being in school which would make my schooling easier and Vince's life (essentially a single parent due to med school) way easier, he agreed. I know, I know, you may tell us to just wait but guess what? If I wait until after school that's over 10 years away. I'm not waiting 10 years to have a baby! Plus, I married an old man and I would like him to be alive when our children graduate high school. (I kid, I kid, he's not that old.) So we wanted to have a baby now.
A few months ago I started pre-natals and researched babymaking (so that's how babies are made!) and we decided October would be a great time to start trying. About a week after our 'big discussion', I realized that I was taking a seriously dangerous medication for my hyperthyroid and that Hey! I can't actually be pregnant on it! So that started the trips to the doctor.
The nurse practitioner that I normally go to said she didn't know enough about hyperthyroid and pregnancy and that I needed to go to see an endocrinologist. After learning that a single appointment would be over $800 and that I'd be paying for it essentially out of pocket (thank you, $10,000 insurance deductible) I decided to nix that idea and just find another doctor.
After my own research and talking to my new doctor, we decided to take me off methimazole and put me on PTU, which is a safer hyperthyroid drug. They are both class D drugs that are dangerous, but PTU is safer for a developing fetus. So I started taking that. The first few days sucked and I just wanted to die thanks to thyroid levels that were all over the place and an exhaustion so deep I didn't want to get out of bed. I seriously contemplated dropping out of my classes because 'I didn't like them anyways,' which is false. Fortunately, after a few days my mood lifted and waking up got easier. I was still SO grumpy and mean to Vince but at least I was going to school. Then, I broke out in the hives. EVERYWHERE.
Vince and I were sitting on the couch and I was like, "What the hell, I have all these bug bites everywhere! I'm going to take a shower." After taking my clothes off I realized my body was covered in giant welts and I started yelling and freaking out, not knowing what it was from. Then I realized a very common side affect of PTU is hives! So we ran to the store for Benadryl and after talking it over with a nurse who recommended I go to the ER in case my throat swelled shut, I decided I didn't want to pay the ungodly amount for the visit and went home and stayed up all night fearing I would die. This happened on a Saturday night and I braved it out until Monday for a regular appointment with my doctor.
We couldn't think of anything else that could have caused this, so she said I couldn't take PTU anymore and that since there weren't any other medications I could take, I'd need radioactive iodine (RAI) treatment if I wanted to get pregnant and that we'd have to wait 6-12 months after that to get pregnant. Then she proceeded to freak me the fuck out saying I should take Plan B right now if I could be pregnant and that I had to take a pregnancy test before I could take my medication and that it would be all our faults if we got pregnant on my old medication because the baby had a 100% chance of having birth defects and we'd be in the NICU after the birth blaming ourselves for the problems we caused knowing it was all preventable. I knew I wasn't pregnant, however, so we left without a pregnancy test and now I have a deep hatred for that doctor.
As we were walking out to the car I realized our plans were falling apart and that we wouldn't be having a baby right now. I was crushed, but I knew RAI treatment would be better in the end and safer for a baby and that I'd be able to have the home birth I wanted but wouldn't be able to have right now.
BUT, my hives continued to get worse, despite powerful antihistamines and me stopping my medication, so I knew it wasn't that. Then it dawned on me that I was washing my clothes differently and that it could be that. So after I changed soaps and re-rinsed all my clothes and sheets, life became good again! I could go back on PTU and have a baby!
But then reality set in and both Vince and I knew we really should do the RAI treatment first, or at least consider it. So now we're going to talk to my doctor about it. It's not surgery, but it's still scary. I mean, putting something radio-active into my body to kill off a very important part of my body only to replace it with a synthetic hormone for the rest of my life? I'll be so radioactive right after that I won't even be able to sleep in the same bed or use the same bathroom as Vince for a week! Then we'll have to wait 6-12 months after and wait for my levels to become normal.
So that, my friends, is why I haven't been blogging. I got babies on my mind but can't have them. Anyways, I'll be back soon because I got another Bountiful Baskets and some pictures from the creek!
A couple months ago I somehow convinced the dear husband of mine that we should have a baby, now. After me explaining my reasons, like the fact that I don't want to be pregnant in med school and if we have a kid now they would be that much closer to being in school which would make my schooling easier and Vince's life (essentially a single parent due to med school) way easier, he agreed. I know, I know, you may tell us to just wait but guess what? If I wait until after school that's over 10 years away. I'm not waiting 10 years to have a baby! Plus, I married an old man and I would like him to be alive when our children graduate high school. (I kid, I kid, he's not that old.) So we wanted to have a baby now.
A few months ago I started pre-natals and researched babymaking (so that's how babies are made!) and we decided October would be a great time to start trying. About a week after our 'big discussion', I realized that I was taking a seriously dangerous medication for my hyperthyroid and that Hey! I can't actually be pregnant on it! So that started the trips to the doctor.
The nurse practitioner that I normally go to said she didn't know enough about hyperthyroid and pregnancy and that I needed to go to see an endocrinologist. After learning that a single appointment would be over $800 and that I'd be paying for it essentially out of pocket (thank you, $10,000 insurance deductible) I decided to nix that idea and just find another doctor.
After my own research and talking to my new doctor, we decided to take me off methimazole and put me on PTU, which is a safer hyperthyroid drug. They are both class D drugs that are dangerous, but PTU is safer for a developing fetus. So I started taking that. The first few days sucked and I just wanted to die thanks to thyroid levels that were all over the place and an exhaustion so deep I didn't want to get out of bed. I seriously contemplated dropping out of my classes because 'I didn't like them anyways,' which is false. Fortunately, after a few days my mood lifted and waking up got easier. I was still SO grumpy and mean to Vince but at least I was going to school. Then, I broke out in the hives. EVERYWHERE.
Vince and I were sitting on the couch and I was like, "What the hell, I have all these bug bites everywhere! I'm going to take a shower." After taking my clothes off I realized my body was covered in giant welts and I started yelling and freaking out, not knowing what it was from. Then I realized a very common side affect of PTU is hives! So we ran to the store for Benadryl and after talking it over with a nurse who recommended I go to the ER in case my throat swelled shut, I decided I didn't want to pay the ungodly amount for the visit and went home and stayed up all night fearing I would die. This happened on a Saturday night and I braved it out until Monday for a regular appointment with my doctor.
We couldn't think of anything else that could have caused this, so she said I couldn't take PTU anymore and that since there weren't any other medications I could take, I'd need radioactive iodine (RAI) treatment if I wanted to get pregnant and that we'd have to wait 6-12 months after that to get pregnant. Then she proceeded to freak me the fuck out saying I should take Plan B right now if I could be pregnant and that I had to take a pregnancy test before I could take my medication and that it would be all our faults if we got pregnant on my old medication because the baby had a 100% chance of having birth defects and we'd be in the NICU after the birth blaming ourselves for the problems we caused knowing it was all preventable. I knew I wasn't pregnant, however, so we left without a pregnancy test and now I have a deep hatred for that doctor.
As we were walking out to the car I realized our plans were falling apart and that we wouldn't be having a baby right now. I was crushed, but I knew RAI treatment would be better in the end and safer for a baby and that I'd be able to have the home birth I wanted but wouldn't be able to have right now.
BUT, my hives continued to get worse, despite powerful antihistamines and me stopping my medication, so I knew it wasn't that. Then it dawned on me that I was washing my clothes differently and that it could be that. So after I changed soaps and re-rinsed all my clothes and sheets, life became good again! I could go back on PTU and have a baby!
But then reality set in and both Vince and I knew we really should do the RAI treatment first, or at least consider it. So now we're going to talk to my doctor about it. It's not surgery, but it's still scary. I mean, putting something radio-active into my body to kill off a very important part of my body only to replace it with a synthetic hormone for the rest of my life? I'll be so radioactive right after that I won't even be able to sleep in the same bed or use the same bathroom as Vince for a week! Then we'll have to wait 6-12 months after and wait for my levels to become normal.
So that, my friends, is why I haven't been blogging. I got babies on my mind but can't have them. Anyways, I'll be back soon because I got another Bountiful Baskets and some pictures from the creek!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Because somebody doesn't know how to click publish...
I thought I clicked publish yesterday, aka Saturday, but I guess I didn't.
Like whoa. A Saturday Love post? That's right, back by popular demand (of one person) I bring you Saturday Love! I've got a lot of new readers since I stopped doing it, so here's a brief overview of what it actually is: Every Saturday I post about 11 things I love, wether it be pictures, links, quotes...anything! It's pretty simple, but it's nice to be able to have an outlet that allows me to focus on what I love as well as get rid of the million bookmarks I have on my computer. Feel free to join in on your own blog and leave a link in the comments! I'll link to them in the next weeks post. (And you can read previous Saturday Love posts here, but I warn you the pictures are so awful they'll make you cringe.)
<1>
Ok, seriously, this kind of thing makes me want to cry. If I were in that subway I would be bawling! I love music like this and love flash mobs, so it's perfect.
<2>
My aunt's friend writes a mommy blog called The Diaries of a Wimpy Mom and it is SO funny. Her posts are usually super short and always make me laugh. Here's an excerpt from a recent post:
Her arms are like her arch nemesis, pestering her in her sleep until she wakes up with a blow to the face...by her own fist. I can't even imagine what that must BE like- being ATTACKED by your own body part. Poor girl. And although I feel so bad for her, flipping and flopping like a fish out of water in her crib at night, I can't help but secretly laugh to myself about how much this whole scenario reminds me of cow tipping. It's like someone pushed her over in her sleep and left her there to moo it out until someone came to her rescue.
I almost peed my pants when I read that!! Go check the rest of her blog out.
(And sorry Patricia, I'M A MOMMY BLOG LOVER. I mean, BABIES, how can you say no?)
<3>
Volunteering at the ER. I've already learned so man things on my first night, like that fact that there are SO many people that come through in a 4 hour period on a Saturday night. I changed probably 40 beds!
<4>
My last and final CSA share! I made the BEST kale and potato salad with the potatoes I got. I have the recipe up and ready to go soon!
<5>
Yellow flowers in the front yard!
<6>
Ghetto Hikes. Funniest tumblr ever. The guy hasn't posted since February, and I've been sad about it, but if you've never seen it, go read through the archives! I just read through them again and laughed just as hard.
Is rabbits eatable? Or you just sposed to cuddle the fuck outta them?
<7>
Short hair. I came across an 'old' photo with me and my short hair last year. It's super long again and I love long hair, but not on me. I never ever wear it down and it's to the length where it gives me a headaches when it's in a ponytail. I'm going to cut it this short again in the next week!
<8>
I don't have a tumblr and rarely look at them despite the fact that I am posting three different ones here, but I love the Reasons to be Fit tumblr. I really like things like this to help get me pumped up before exercising!
<9>
No More Harvard Debt. This guy went to Harvard and graduated with about $90,000 in debt. He made a huge goal of paying it off within ten months and he did it early (granted, he makes a six figure salary). He really limited his budget, sold off his cars, and brought a flask when he went to the bars. Granted, I don't have a six figure salary, but it's oddly inspiring to read through the archives of how he achieved his goal. It makes me want to be extremely limited in what I spend my money on so that I don't have to have a lot of debt when I graduate!
<10>
Creek time with Roxi girl and my bestie!
<11>
Lastly, this.
Created by: OnlineCriminalJusticeDegree
Like whoa. A Saturday Love post? That's right, back by popular demand (of one person) I bring you Saturday Love! I've got a lot of new readers since I stopped doing it, so here's a brief overview of what it actually is: Every Saturday I post about 11 things I love, wether it be pictures, links, quotes...anything! It's pretty simple, but it's nice to be able to have an outlet that allows me to focus on what I love as well as get rid of the million bookmarks I have on my computer. Feel free to join in on your own blog and leave a link in the comments! I'll link to them in the next weeks post. (And you can read previous Saturday Love posts here, but I warn you the pictures are so awful they'll make you cringe.)
<1>
Ok, seriously, this kind of thing makes me want to cry. If I were in that subway I would be bawling! I love music like this and love flash mobs, so it's perfect.
<2>
My aunt's friend writes a mommy blog called The Diaries of a Wimpy Mom and it is SO funny. Her posts are usually super short and always make me laugh. Here's an excerpt from a recent post:
Her arms are like her arch nemesis, pestering her in her sleep until she wakes up with a blow to the face...by her own fist. I can't even imagine what that must BE like- being ATTACKED by your own body part. Poor girl. And although I feel so bad for her, flipping and flopping like a fish out of water in her crib at night, I can't help but secretly laugh to myself about how much this whole scenario reminds me of cow tipping. It's like someone pushed her over in her sleep and left her there to moo it out until someone came to her rescue.
I almost peed my pants when I read that!! Go check the rest of her blog out.
(And sorry Patricia, I'M A MOMMY BLOG LOVER. I mean, BABIES, how can you say no?)
<3>
Volunteering at the ER. I've already learned so man things on my first night, like that fact that there are SO many people that come through in a 4 hour period on a Saturday night. I changed probably 40 beds!
<4>
My last and final CSA share! I made the BEST kale and potato salad with the potatoes I got. I have the recipe up and ready to go soon!
<5>
Yellow flowers in the front yard!
<6>
Ghetto Hikes. Funniest tumblr ever. The guy hasn't posted since February, and I've been sad about it, but if you've never seen it, go read through the archives! I just read through them again and laughed just as hard.
Is rabbits eatable? Or you just sposed to cuddle the fuck outta them?
<7>
Short hair. I came across an 'old' photo with me and my short hair last year. It's super long again and I love long hair, but not on me. I never ever wear it down and it's to the length where it gives me a headaches when it's in a ponytail. I'm going to cut it this short again in the next week!
<8>
I don't have a tumblr and rarely look at them despite the fact that I am posting three different ones here, but I love the Reasons to be Fit tumblr. I really like things like this to help get me pumped up before exercising!
<9>
No More Harvard Debt. This guy went to Harvard and graduated with about $90,000 in debt. He made a huge goal of paying it off within ten months and he did it early (granted, he makes a six figure salary). He really limited his budget, sold off his cars, and brought a flask when he went to the bars. Granted, I don't have a six figure salary, but it's oddly inspiring to read through the archives of how he achieved his goal. It makes me want to be extremely limited in what I spend my money on so that I don't have to have a lot of debt when I graduate!
<10>
Creek time with Roxi girl and my bestie!
<11>
Lastly, this.
Created by: OnlineCriminalJusticeDegree
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