Brain fart: my life is actually busy.

So apparently towards the end of Spring Break I had a brain fart and wrote this post about how I have so much free time and am bored. Turns out it was just during spring break, despite working almost 60 hours that week, and my life in reality is actually crazy busy.

A couple of days after I wrote the post, Vince read it, laughed, and said, 'Ha, that's funny. I don't think you really have free time.' So then it made me wonder if I was just hiding it from him? Making it seem like I have more work then I really have? Over-exaggerating things so he'd feel bad for me?

After a quick peek at my handy-dandy planner, I realized I was waaaaaaaay underestimating how much I do every week. Turns out it felt like I was always watching TV or was on the computer when I was home because I was rarely home! Just looking back through my planner makes me question my sanity and I wonder how I'm still standing at the end of the week because most weeks I had some place I needed to be on 6 or 7 days. I am not writing this for a 'good job' or 'you are awesome' because there are SO many people who do far more and far harder things than I, but maybe just a reminder to myself that I'm not a total slacker and that I am actually doing things.

This week came upon me like a shit storm and I've been stressing out a little about it since I just have so much going on, and am nursing either a cold or really bad allergies. This morning while driving to babysit I thought, 'Hmm, I think I feel this way at the beginning of every week, and by mid-week I just don't care and accept that I have things to do.' And lo and behold, this morning I really didn't care about everything going on and was like, 'Whatever! I'm doing this.'

An example of my week that we're in the midst of, which honestly reflects most weeks of my life:
Sunday: work 7 hours at Taylor House (after working a 24 hours shift the day before), apply for a fourth job because life isn't crazy enough but I want the experience, write a scholarship essay, hangout with my family

Monday: Do an online collaborate session for class, clean the house (while still avoiding laundry that hasn't been done in way too many weeks), go grocery shopping, do some food prep for the week, do some reading for class, revise essay

Tuesday: do some reading, attend open lab for a couple hours, go to class for three hours, go to the nursing home to get patient information, eat dinner, read for a pharmacology quiz, take said quiz, do a pharmacology case study, type up patient information and look up all their drugs (thankfully only 8), read some more, wash scrubs, socks, underwear, and sports bra in the sink because none are clean, make dinner and prep meals for the next day, finish hand sewing my nurse purse

Wednesday: wake up at 6:30 for clinicals, take temperature to make sure I'm not contagious if I am sick, sadly accept that I am not contagious, go to cliniclas/simlab for 6 hours, head straight to lab for 3 hours, feel like I'm dying since I wasn't able to eat all day and realize my lunch has been out of the fridge for 6 hours and is now inedible (we did have a lunch break at 10:30 but after my first bite I didn't feel well so didn't eat my zoodles and amazing meatballs), head straight to babysitting for a couple hours and get there by riding my bike 2 miles in the sleet/snow/rain/WINDDDD-so-strong-I-almost-fell-off-my-bike without a hat/helmet/gloves/jacket, only wearing my Patagonia sweater because I forgot everything at home, eat emergency BLT's as soon as I get home because STARVING, then make something more substantial so I have leftovers for the next day

Thursday: wake up at 6 and drive an hour to Sedona to babysit for 10 hours, drive home, go to the store for the best grain free pizza crust because dinner is not being made tonight, also make emergency brownies and eat half the batter raw, from my fingers, with my pants unbuttoned

Friday: take a test for pathology, write a clinical journal, fill out patient information for SimChart, read, babysit for 6 hours, babysit for another 4 hours

Saturday: read, do breathing patterns case study, work for 4 hours (seems like such a short shift!), and prepare to start a whole other week

Within all of these places I have to be, I also cook 99% of the food we eat (with Vince's help! he's not a total dud of a husband) that is almost always real, whole foods that is mostly paleo, read books for leisure, work out, do yoga, paint my nails (clear, because we can't wear colors and it's such a waste of time but whatever), cuddle with my dog, 'decorate' my house, hangout with friends, spend time with my husband, have a decently clean bathroom, and get 7-9 hours of sleep.

Every time I talk to my grandpa he asks, 'So how long can you keep this up for?' and I always laugh, but then get nervous in the back of my mind. I feel sane and I don't feel completely stressed out, but I am definitely looking forward to graduating in a couple years. Then when I'm a nurse I'll only work three days a week and I'll have to take up a million hobbies to fill my time with. Or have a million babies. Either way.

Also, if it seems like I'm complaining, it's my blog so shut up. Also, here are some random instagram pictures since I haven't been posting any on my blog recently. Actually, never mind I'm too lazy to download them so you can just go look at them on my instagram @iffyinklings.

Update Shmupdate.

Some life updates from January/February followed by an Instagraham picture. (Well, some I actually didn't post on Instagram, so just a photo.) I'm @iffyinklings if you want to get instant access to my exciting life!

// Do you know how stressful it is that an A in the nursing program is a 93? And that a 78 is failing, as in you can not pass go into the next class and must go straight to the jail that is the same class all over again? No thank you. As a straight A student (almost, save for the damn the Spanish class that I got a B in THAT I DIDN'T EVEN NEED TO TAKE but thought would be fun (it wasn't)) I am used to working hard, but now the information is even more hard so I have to work harder and that is just too many hards in one sentence. No.

Me riding to orientation the first day, not realizing how cold it was, and me on my first day of lab wearing my pajamas scrubs.

// I made this for my bestie's birthday and lurve it.

// This is a reminder to myself to make time to work out during stressful weeks because it totally helps. It's so easy to just shut down when so many things are happening and going wrong and even easier to just sit on my couch reading Harry Potter or watching Netflix, but then I get sucked into the dark hole of doom that is so hard to crawl out of. Working out during bad times makes things so much more manageable and even though I love love love being physical, I still forget!

My post-workout smoothie after finally getting out of my funk.

// The color gold is growing on me bit by bit. But I still hate gold jewelry. I think. As I said, it may be growing on me.

// I managed to paint three whole walls in my kitchen before I started classes again, so that means my kitchen is half beautiful white and half ugly yellow off-white. I'll just stare at the wall that has this shelf and tell myself I'm satisfied for the next four months until summer break.

// Vince and I went on vacation to the beach in California. Hopefully more pictures will be posted to please your eyeballs soon. I of course took like half a million. Which reminds me that I never even posted pictures of my trip from August (?) that I took with my friend to a different part in California, so maybe you shouldn't get your hopes up.

// Food, food, and more food.

//The House of the Lord, if you are Mormon. Which I am not, but I still went and enjoyed the beauty.

// Homegrown eggs are so much cooler than store-bought, and not in a douchey 'I'm cooler than you' way. Just look at the print and texture on this egg! I wish I could raise my own little chickens instead of having to pay a guy here in town.

// In honor of my New Year's goal of enjoying life and doing exciting things, I climbed in the tree tops at Flagstaff Extreme Adventure Course. I was one of the 20% who are able to finish the course, and it was awesome. I used to think I was afraid of heights, but I was surprisingly not nervous so I guess I can't tell people I'm afraid anymore. I'm thinking it's because I have really bad depth perception and didn't actually realize how far up I was because when I look at pictures I'm like, 'HOLY SHIT, YOU ARE SO STUPIDLY HIGH WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WOMAN?!'

We also rode a new trail in a town we've never ridden in before, Prescott. The trail was all sorts of awesome and probably one of my most favorite trails, but it was so windy that my ears ended up hurting really bad. We'll go back soon, though!

Good god my genetics are fantastic, my teeth are perfectly straight and I never had braces. Now if only my smile could be straight.

// Baybee sitter 4 lyfe.

Full.

Life has been so invigorating and happy and challenging and tiring and full. There has been no time to sit down and write about my life because I've simply been living it. I wake up and go go go until I'm ready to lay my head on my pillow or relax with a book, and I've been enjoying it. That's how I want my life to be; full.

As you can imagine, after my miscarriage I was just...destroyed. I don't even have words to explain it. I allowed myself to sit with that for a few days and just feel it. But then I decided that instead of continuing to sit there I was going to fill my days with all the things that made me feel happy and alive and well. So I've been doing just that. I've been riding my bike, baking paleo brownies that are perfect, painting things 'Sunshine Yellow', reading books, driving fast with the windows down and my hair flying, applying for and starting a new job, playing in the rain, cuddling with my dog and husband, going to see one of my favorite bands, and tending to my garden that is producing so many strawberries I get a few to eat each day and still have some to share with the neighbors.

The thing I've been enjoying the most is exercising and feeling my body continue to get so strong. I'm physically seeing a huge difference in my body and it's such a fun thing to see new muscles pop up! It's also mentally clearing to get out and do something that requires some good concentration.

So with that, I'll leave you a ton of pictures and a promise to write again, but maybe not soon. I'm not sure. I'm busy living, folks.

I started to say that the weather has been really wet so there are tons of caterpillars, but then I remembered it's worms that show up in an abundance in response to rain. Either way, tons of caterpillars everywhere!

Paleo brownies that a friend posted on FB. SO GOOD! Better than any brownie I've ever had. Ever. After cutting them up I individually wrapped some up to keep in the freezer so I wouldn't eat them all in a couple days. Except I did because they are even better frozen since they don't freeze hard because of the coconut oil!

I bought a 1/4 cow! It'll go to the butcher the beginning of September and I'll have fresh grass-fed beef that was raised 7 miles from my house.

Everyone deserves a pair of pink shorts.

Yellow paint can #1.

I saw Streetlight Manifesto at Hard Rock Live in Vegas. I cried from pure happiness. I've now seen 4/5 of my favorite bands!

Strawberries for days.

Rain for days.

Date ride with Vince.

Books! That aren't on the Kindle! 22 so far this year.

We both loved the hideous carpet at the hotel in Vegas. 

Sedona.

Yellow paint can #2.

'Noatmeal' made from ground almonds, coconut flour, maple syrup, and an egg.

Sunday Farmer's Market. I'm too poor to buy anything more.

Diaper butt.

Painted the old sewing cabinet from my grandma. I was worried she'd hate it, but she loved it!

After the rain.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Let me tell you a little story of why I'm a baby. As an almost grown child, not yet a teenager, I spent enough camping trips in the White Mountains to not be afraid of bears. There were bear traps everywhere, some containing bears that we were able to oogle at, and signs on every other tree warning you to drop to the ground if a bear came. Act like you're dead and it'll think you're dead. Because of that, I was not afraid of bears. Just act like I'm dead and I'll be fine? Easy! No worries about being ripped limb from limb!

Until last week when a friend ruined everything. Everything, I tell ya! We were on a hike and got to talking about bears and mountain lions, both of which we have in Flagstaff. We were talking about various people we know who have seen both animals while on hikes or mountain bike rides, which made them kind of real to me. I had heard of mountain lions occasionally being in peoples back yards and bears being seen on bike rides, but no real firsthand experiences. All stuff read in the paper until my friend told me some stories. At the end of our hike, I didn't think I was scared or anything and still felt the same un-afraidness of mountain lions and bears as before.

Queue to a week later when I went on a run/hike with Vince while he rode his bike. After a while of exercising together, we split paths so he could go one way and I could go another. I was good for the first 1/2 mile, then realized I was all alone at the top of the mountain where I was most likely to run into a dangerous animal, it was stormy and dark and sprinkling, and I was totally going to get eaten by a mountain lion or bear. Calm down, I didn't actually see any animals, I was just scared. And was so sure one was stalking me right then. What am I even supposed to do if a mountain lion attacks me?! So I ran. And ran. And kept running. Which in turn kind of scared me more because I was wearing a rain jacket that got noisier the faster I ran. I'm not very good with loud noises, let alone one that's right next to my ear, and my heart-rate just kept accelerating.

Finally, I ran into Vince after a couple miles alone and started to relax. I laugh at myself now thinking how silly I was, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to run like that otherwise!

Anyways, here are pictures, a mixture of iPhone and my 'big camera'.

Before we started I made Vince take a picture for our photo album, and of course he had to mess around for 20 shots before I yelled and started to walk away saying, 'SCREW IT, I DIDN'T CARE ANYWAYS.' One of the shots he put a banana on my head and laughed like a five year old.

This was when I was alone, at the outlook overlooking the city, which you can't actually see. It started raining more and I hightailed it back to the car. 

Dark and stormy!

After the run with my favorite girl.

By the way Beth, if you're reading this, I don't blame you. Or maybe I secretly hate you now.