Hello from the other side.

Mic check, one two, one two...anyone out there? Can you hear me?

Well. This is embarrassing. It's been quite the journey since I last updated the bloggity blog, so here's a little one. Sorry for the picture reposts from Instagram, I'll try to be a little more original next time. Maybe I'll start posting more often since I actually have a life now that doesn't revolve around school.

As an update from my last post, I got a nursing job! As I suspected, it wasn't in the ICU as I desired, but on a medical-surgical floor. Honestly, it has been great and has far exceeded my expectations. I've already been able to shock a patient, push some scary cardiac drugs, and grow leaps and bounds as a nurse in a very short time. I have SO much to learn, but my experience has been wonderful so far. Also, I'm realizing that the part of this job I thought I was going to hate the most - small talk with families and patients - is actually one of my favorite parts. Some days it's hard being an introvert, but it's so nice to help their day be a little better and there are many ways to educate and share my knowledge, which is the best. I'm a teacher at heart, so it's perfect!

I still have two weeks of my new grad nurse residency program before I'm on my own as a nurse (!!! a real! live! nurse!), and will be switching to nights this weekend. I had two weeks of general orientation to the hospital, then a grueling, oh so grueling, five week class that was harder than all of nursing school combined as well as one 12 hour shift each week on my unit. It was a lot of education over a short amount of time and I was not expecting the class to be that hard or for there to be so much homework involved, so I'm glad it's done. I learned a lot and I'm so grateful to have done it, but holy shit. I am done done done with school for now. Then I had a month or so of working days with a preceptor, which I finished this week. Then end is near!

During that hard five week stretch, Devin got almost all her teeth and I started hating her jusssssst a little. She got six or seven (?) teeth during that time and she was just a beast throughout. She missed me, I missed her, she just wanted to nurse 24/7, and I'm a mean mom who wouldn't give her medicine even though everyone told me to constantly. But! We survived! And she just has a few teeth left to go. I am very glad that I'm still nursing her because I have no idea how we would have survived without it. What do other moms do?!

Another harrowing situation we just survived was hand, foot and mouth disease! I thought she had gotten a yeast rash or something, but then it moved from her thighs to all over and she didn't even have a rash in the diaper area. There were two nights that were easily the worst nights she's/we've ever had and I ended up having to sleep in her room so that Vince could have her in our room because I had to work the next morning. I woke up often to her screaming, because she didn't sleep either night. But again, we survived! Some of the blisters are peeling off still and her feet are gross, but she's back to being a happy clam and up to her old wildchild antics like climbing on tables and sneaking into the chicken coop.

Vince has been working one day a week and staying home with Devin, which I think has made all of this transition better. He's still trying to figure out what he wants to do when he "grows up", but for now we're all in a good place. I'm finally done with homework and all the extra stuff that goes along with learning, and we're all so ready to just relax and enjoy life. We've been able to do a lot of little activities we've always wanted to do like taking picnics, going to the park, going swimming, etc. Somehow all those things went to the wayside and we were only able to focus on surviving so it's nice to actually live now. I've worked so hard for the last five years to get to this point and I'm relieved to finally say, "I'm a nurse!"

Pumping for school or work soon after birth.

Due to having Devin mid semester, I was only able to take two weeks off of school before I had to go back. Some people say it's terrible timing, but it actually wasn't as bad as I expected. She slept a lot (though she did nurse every hour around the clock for the first few months!) and I was able to nap with her, I was out of the house for 24 hours of the week so it wasn't full-time, I could come home at times during lunch to nurse her, and I was also able to have the entire summer off during her extremely fun months! 

 

One thing that did cause me stress in the beginning was pumping. It wasn't that pumping was hard or difficult, I was just so worried about nipple confusion or her not wanting to nurse, thus ending our breastfeeding relationship. Aside from her being placed on my chest immediately after birth, breastfeeding was the thing I was most looking forward to and I didn't want to mess with it! Luckily, I had nothing to worry about as we had no problem and she still loves to nurse constantly, and will hopefully continue into toddlerhood.

 

When I was scouring the internet for advice on pumping really early, I found nothing. 'Early' to most people meant going back to work at 6 or 8 weeks. The advice would be to start pumping 4 weeks before going back to work, and to start bottle feeding two weeks before going back to get the baby used to a bottle. That would have meant I should have started pumping two week before I delivered, and started bottle feeding the day she was born! Obviously, that would be impossible and not ideal. 

 

So here is a rough outline of what I did, in case you are one of the lucky few who has to go to school/work after a very short period of time and you want to continue breastfeeding.

 

Nurse on demand. Devin, like most babies, nursed for nutrition as well as comfort. For the first two weeks, we basically sat on a recliner with her attached to my boob about 90% of the day. She would nurse, and then taper off to little suckles while she slept. This signaled to my body to make more milk, and helped increase my supply. While at the hospital she would nurse for hours straight and all through the night, and even though it was really uncomfortable at times in the beginning, I just let her do her thing. 

 

Do NOT use a pacifier. As I said, Devin liked to comfort nurse. Many moms choose to put a pacifier in for this, but I was adamant about no paci. One) it took away her ability to tell my body to make more milk, and two) it would likely mean that I would set her down to do something else, decreasing our physical contact, and decreasing my milk supply. We started her on a paci around 6 weeks because the comfort nursing was making her acid reflux worse by never allowing her food to digest, but we made sure breastfeeding was well established, I had a pumping routine in place, and I had a solid amount of milk.

 

Start pumping once your milk is in. My milk came in very quickly - while I was still in the hospital - and continued to increase in amount. Around day 7, once my milk was 'completely' in (it would continue to increase over the next many weeks, but it was changing from colostrum to regular milk), I started pumping a few times a day after Devin finished nursing. I was nervous at first, thinking I was 'stealing' the milk from her next feed, but really it just helped increase my milk supply after a couple days. I would get about a half ounce to start with, and it quickly increased to 1-2 ounces per pumping. I was trying to stock up enough milk for at least the first two days of school, in case I didn't end up pumping enough while I was away for a total of 16 hours. I was following the 'baby eats one ounce per hour' rule, so 16 ounces was my goal. I froze the milk in 1 ounce portions, since I assumed she would stick with her eating every hour routine even though I wasn't there. 

 

Introduce a bottle. Three days before I was supposed to go to school, I had Vince try to give her a bottle. I heard good things about breastfeeding mothers using the Dr. Brown's bottles with a preemie sized nipple, so the baby still had to work hard to get the milk out. She kept refusing it with Vince and he was stressed out about it (he also got little amounts of sleep that first week!) so I ended up trying to feed her. I was still so distraught about how it could effect our breastfeeding relationship, so once she got a hang of the bottle and started eating, I cried! And then sobbed! It was awful to be the one feeding her from a bottle. Vince realized how upset I was and took over from there. I had him feed her one time for those three days while I pumped so they could both get used to it, and then I would nurse her immediately after as well so she wouldn't 'forget' how to nurse. I could definitely feel a difference in her latch, but after a minute or so she would correct herself and remember.  

 

Relax. When I went back to school, I was able to pump more than enough for her. I was lucky enough to have Vince or my grandparents be home with Devin, so I was confident she was in good hands getting the love and attention she needed. Had I been stressed out about her situation, I'm sure it would have had an impact on my milk supply. She didn't have any issues with nipple confusion, and she would nurse even more when I was home because she missed the physical contact. We bed-share, which I think also has a huge part in our success because she had full access to my boobs, and I could get enough rest while still feeding her constantly. Every situation is different, though, so you'll have to see what works for you!

 

My next post will be pumping tips, so be sure to look for that.  

4th of July Weekend!

This weekend was the best. No doubt about it!

In between getting in a good amount of hours at work, I spent a ton of time with family, some of which were in from out of town. After driving home from my grandparents Friday night with the fresh smell of a campfire on us, Vince said, "Hey, I had a lot of fun!" And I responded with, "Did I really just hear you say that after 7 hours spent with my family?" And he said, "SEVEN HOURS?!" Time flies by when you have good company. (This is not to imply my family is not fun, they totally are the best.)

My grandma felt compelled to give Devin a bath after I admitted I don't bathe her very often.

Saturday morning we went shooting where I killed it, seriously. I couldn't believe it. We did a competition where we had to hit 10 pieces of 4 inch 2x4s that were set up in a line, and you had two shots per wood. For a better time you had to kind of run between shots (the wood was far enough away to not stand in one spot) and I got the exact same time as my grandpa, and he got one more shot than me. Now I need to practice and beat him! I think this is beginners luck though since I haven't shot since I was like 12. 

Her squished cheeks were too cute, I couldn't stop laughing. 

After that, my dad, uncle, Vince and I went for a mountain bike ride while Devin napped with the rest of the fambam. Riding with friends is fun, but family is even better! 

Vince is getting ready for the Bike Olympics this evening, Devin is sleeping naked with the fan directed on her because it's been so hot, and I'm ready for a nap myself with Roxi! It's weird to be in a quiet house after being around family and noises for hours.

Annnnnd then she was over it. 

Added after I wrote the above: We ended up going to the Bike Olympics for a bit and hung out with one of our favorite ladies! 

Surviving the first few weeks postpartum.

I typed this up when I was a few weeks postpartum, and forgot to post it! So here it is. This applies to the first couple months after I had Devin.


Hospital cup

My friend told me to take it home and I hesitantly did, but it's THE BEST. Drinking from a straw and not having to open the lid of a waterbottle or tilt the water from a glass is so much easier with a baby in your arms.

Side table 

I would move it around as needed! By the couch, the recliner, my bed, etc. Again, when you have a baby attached to your boob, it's hard to move around.

Swaddle blankets

I like the thicker small typical receiving ones when wrapping her during the day with her arms out, but love love love the aden + anais ones for doing a tight full body wrap at night. They really are worth their weight in gold, like everyone says. (Even though they cost quite a bit in gold...)

Finger snacks 

Hardboiled eggs, nuts, dried fruit. It's really hard to cut a steak.

Coconut oil

I used lanolin approximately one time and didn't like that it had a smell, because I want her to associate the smell of my breasts with me and not lanolin. So I used refined (not smelly) coconut oil for my sore nipples and they felt better almost immediately. Within a week of starting nursing my boobs felt normal again and didn't crack. The old trick of rubbing breast milk also works great and that's all I need now, 3 weeks into breastfeeding!

Peri bottle

My sink happens to be right next to my toilet so I could easily fill the peri bottle I got from the hospital with fresh warm water to rinse with after I went to the bathroom. It's also nice to add a bit of witch hazel or lavender oil to help with healing.

Cloth pads with athletic shorts

I had a nice stockpile of regular pads from the hospital and from a friend, but after being home for two days I realized they are so uncomfortable and I always felt wet, which was gross. Isn't the point of a pad to wick away moisture?! Anyways, I was doing a lot of sitting while nursing and everything felt sore and the wetness didn't help. I kept thinking I just really wanted to wear underwear because it would feel good against my skin, and remembered cloth pads that I usually use for my period. Within hours of switching to a cloth pad my 'area' felt SO much better, drier, and less painful. So seriously, invest in them. I just rinse them in the sink after I use them and hang it on my drying rack, then when I have 4 or 5 dirty ones I soak them in the sink with a bit of oxyclean and Castile soap for a few hours. Then I just rinse them and hang them up and they look brand new again! I have about 10 that I cycle through. (I was usually about 5/day until 7 days postpartum, and at 2 1/2 weeks I used about 2 a day.) they also don't have the gross smell of disposable pads. Wearing tight shorts over my underwear made me feel more comfortable, like a pad wasn't about to fall out or something (even though my pads have a button to stay on) or leak somehow.

Netflix

Need I say more? 

Boppy

Again, need I say more? I have a long torso so I still have to squeeze a blanket between her and the boppy but it's still nice to have.

Pampers/Huggies

We have a multitude of brands, most of them different eco friendly ones, but found Pampers is the best for newborn! Ha! The others just fit her weirdly, were really bulky, or didn't hold up well. She's in size 1 now and we prefer Huggies. The ones in the basket in a picture below are Honest Co and they are the only eco one that I sort of like, but they don't fit her as well. (And then we switched her to cloth diapers at 2 1/2 months.)

Solly Wrap

(The day I got it when she was a few weeks old, all tired and haggard.)

I could go on and on and on about how much I love this wrap. It is so easy to put on, light-weight unlike the Moby, and more importantly - Devin loves it. Worth waaaay more than its weight in gold.

Robe

It has been a comfort saver for sure! Throughout the last 3 months of my pregnancy I was looking for a soft, lightweight robe and never found one, until a few days before I gave birth. It's 3/4 sleeves and hits just below my waist, so I wear sweats with it. It is similar to this one on the Target website, but they don't have the one I bought anymore (the linked one is much longer, but the same light material). I wore it as a shirt in the hospital so I could easily breastfeed but look 'put together' when people visited, and pretty much wear it as a shirt when I'm home because it's so much easier to breastfeed in.

Diaper basket

We don't have a changing table set up (like I'm really going to use the space or get up and walk somewhere every time I need to change her!) so I have a small basket that I keep full of diapers, wipes and a burp cloth I use as a changing pad. I have about a dozen burp cloths and just get a new one as needed. Then I can move it to whatever room I'm in, and keep it on my bed at night since we cosleep with her. I also keep a little ziploc bag with DigestZen essential oil for her belly, grape seed oil to dilute it and for massage, and a little jar of coconut oil for diaper redness and her fat rolls on the neck or else they get red and smelly. (Babies can be gross.) I also have a little jar of diaper rash salve.

Salt lamp

This thingis perfect for the night! It has a dimmer that I keep on the lowest setting so I have a soft light for feedings and changing her during the night. It's dark enough to sleep with, but bright enough to see when I wake up.

Sound machine

I started using a sound machine many months ago per Grace's recommendation and it really helps because I can fall asleep almost immediately. (You'd think I'd be tired enough, but I have a wandering mind.) This will ultimately help Devin as well. I've noticed that as soon as I turn it on to get her ready for a nap her eyes start to get droopy.

Flats Challenge

(I promise I will have 'real' posts up soon like her three month update (THREEEEE MONTHSSSS), but for now, something else to get me back in the blogging groove...)

Well, perfect timing. I've decided to use cloth diapers last week, came upon the simplicity of flats, and then realized there was a flats challenge starting today! It consists of only using flats and hand washing. So I am doing it.

I already hand wash my diapers (I've been using them for four days now) because I don't have a washer/dryer so it's not like this is a huge challenge for me, but whatever. It'll be a good challenge to try new folds and have an alternative to soaker pads at night!

I decided to try using flats because I read that they are easier to hand wash and dry super quickly, and also because they are dirt cheap. Cloth diapering can be REALLY expensive if you get carried away with it, but I want to do it as cheap as possible!

For those of you that have noooooo idea what I am talking about, here's a short explanation: the flats I am using are flour sack towels that are folded up with a microfleece liner to fit inside a waterproof cover. Literally towels straight from the kitchen department at Walmart for $1 a flat! There are many ways to fold up the flats depending on your babies shape/size. The benefit for me as a hand washer is that they don't take a million years to dry line my other inserts (up to 2 days!) so I don't have to have such a large stash of diapers (read: expensive) on hand while I wait for others to dry.

To wash my diapers, I have a WonderWash that I got a couple years ago to wash our regular clothes, and an electric spin dryer. I won't normally be using the spinner, but tonight I did end up using it to get water out because I was washing some soaker inserts from the day before, and I put WAY too much soap in that I just got today. I tried hand rinsing and wringing out the inserts but they just retained so much soap. So I threw everything into the spinner which got all the soapy water out, then rinsed again, and then I hand wrung the flats and diapers! But I did spin the soaker pads again or they would take like a week to dry. Tomorrow I'll only have flats to wash, though, so I'll be able to do everything by hand.

I'm over on instagram @iffyinklings if you want to follow along there!

7 quick takes.

1.

Today I was pumping in a small room at school, and forgot my sweater in the classroom and my nursing cover (that I only use when pumping) at home. I could hear the cleaning lady outside the door mopping and was SO nervous that she was going to unlock the door to come in and mop, completely exposing me looking like a cow being milked! Luckily she didn't, but I was nervous enough that my milk slowed and I stopped pumping anyways.

Bottles of boob juice next to lunch? No worries.

2.

I tried 'working out' the other day and rough is an understatement (underword?). I have to go back to the very basics! Understandable, but so frustrating. So I'm starting with Jillian Michael's Beginner series and am 'enjoying' it.

3.

I'm ready for summer. No explanation needed. 

4. 

Our landlord owns a landscaping company and he has a lot behind our back fence that has rocks, dirt, etc. A few days ago his crew was unloading a truck and managed to rip down our internet cord from the sky for like the sixth time. (I exaggerate not.) After multiple loooooong phone calls with the internet company, a guy finally came to fix it today and was smart and routed the wire a different way. It was halfway convenient because it forced me to study for a big test I had today, but also not convenient because I wasn't able to study stuff online. I also had some extreme Netflix withdrawal, so I'll be binging on it tonight.

5.
Cute books we got from visiting family!

6.
I've established that my intensive care clinicals have been my favorite and that ICU is now high on my job list! I graduate in just over a year with my BSN. Whaaaaat?!

7.
As happy as I am to eat almost the exact same thing every day to help Devin's belly while slowly adding in new foods, I am so excited to branch out to more crazy foods like green beans! and bratwurst! and a big fat juicy burger with a pound of melted cheese! and an over easy egg! annnnnnd so much horseradish! (The last one is so far off from happening. Cue (queue?) the sobbing.)

Pretty much what I eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner right now. I've started adding some foods in (mushrooms, apples, DELICIOUS GRAPES) and all is going well. Except corn. That is very much a no go for her and was accidentally eaten.

Stealing 7 quick takes from Camp Patton and The Fike Life! I can't actually tell who the originator is.

The Birth. Part 2.

Read Part 1 of the birth first!

Annnnnnd I was only 7cm. In almost 12 hours, I’d dilated 2 cm. At that point I started crying through some of the contractions because I was so upset that I had not progressed very much. It actually really helped to just totally sob and let all the tension release. Then something in me snapped and I told myself to get a grip. So with that, any thought of an epidural went away completely, I went into a special place in my mind, and kept walking around my room to deal with contractions. 

At the start of each contraction I would think, ‘I just have to take a few deep breathes and it will be over! Just a few more breathes. A few more breathes.’ And then sure enough, the contraction would be over, the relaxation would set in, even if it was only for 30 seconds, and I’d realize that I made it through yet another contraction.

I tried a few more baths here and there and quick 5 minute showers before the water would turn cold, desperately wishing for a longer shower. After that first nice bath, the water went out everywhere and wouldn’t stay warm long enough to fill that bath either. Maintenance came in and it still wouldn’t work, so I just accepted that I’d be stuck walking around my room for the rest of the birth. 

Around 5am my nurse offered to check me again because I said I was having a lot of pressure, but didn’t feel ready to push, and I was at an 8. I once again had thoughts about how there was no way I could do this, but didn’t actually consider an epidural. I was just so far removed from everything that the thought didn’t even occur to me.  So I continued laboring…

Once the sun rose (7ish? I think it was right after shift change…) one of my doctor’s came in since she just got on shift as well as a new nurse. I was feeling even more pressure and more intense contractions so I had her check me, and lo and behold, I was at a 9 with only a tiny bit of a cervical lip preventing me from getting to 10! I asked the doctor if it would help if my water broke, and she said it definitely would and asked me if I wanted her to break it. I immediately said, ‘But doesn’t that make the contractions worse?!’ Her response was essentially, ‘DUH’, but in a nice way. So I decided to have her break it so we could get things moving.

Within 15 seconds, my contractions were so intense I can’t even explain it. Thinking about them even now just makes me feel a little insane. That’s when I turned into the stereotypical pregnant lady that was full on screaming through each contraction. My new nurse had just said that my old nurse told her I was rocking this labor and that I was so calm and collected through everything, but that instantly flew out the window! They had me lay on my side to try and get rid of the last of the cervical lip, and laying down was so painful. So painful. It made all the previous contractions feel like a backrub. 

The minute or two I had between contractions was such bliss though. I felt amazing between the contractions because there was such a dichotomy between the feelings. I was able to close my eyes between them and after one of the contractions I asked Vince if they were getting further apart and that I was really nervous my labor was slowing down, and he laughed and told me I had my eyes closed for maybe a minute in between, but to me it felt like 7 or 8! After a while of the screaming I was able to collect myself again, much like the previous time, and moaned through everything while gripping onto the bed rail. (Vince's hands were saved from extreme crunching!)

After a few hours of lying on my side, I started to feel a bit like I could push. I was checked at 10am and was officially at 10cm, so she told me I could push whenever I wanted. Vince turned on the Pushing Baby Out hypnosis track and I started off with small pushes while still laying down, not feeling like I should really put a lot of effort into them quite yet. I didn’t have the extreme urge to push like you hear about.

I switched positions a few times during the first hour or so, from laying, to squatting, to having the head of the bed upright and leaning over that while on my knees, then back to laying at the recommendation of my nurse because despite what you would think, it apparently helps to get the babies head under the pubic bone in first time moms. At that point the contractions weren’t painful as long as I was pushing, and I was happy to not be standing after being upright for so many hours! Not only did my nurse stay the whole time, but my doctor was still there as well. Though I didn’t want anyone except Vince in the room for the beginning of the birth, it was really nice to have them there at that point. They were both so great at getting me through this transition, repeating mantras from my HypnoBabies tracks and even moaning with me. At no point did they tell me when to push or how to push; there was none of the counting while holding my breath or any ‘encouraging’ shouting involved! They did leave Vince and I alone for a while to just be together while I pushed, and came back with coffee for him which he appreciated after being up for so long. 

At 11am, I decided to really put effort into my pushes and switched to the ‘Queen’s throne’ position, where they drop the foot of the bed down with about a foot or two of bed for me to sit on, and the head of the bed is fully raised…like a Queen’s throne. Vince held one leg and my amazing nurse held another leg. They had set up the mirror and the nurse told me to try and open my eyes with some pushes to see what was happening, but I didn't have my glasses on! Vince grabbed them for me and even though I was only able to keep my eyes open a short time, it was really encouraging to see. After a few pushes, I remember her calling my doctor that had left for a few minutes to tell her that I was pushing really well and she should plan on being back within 15 minutes.

‘15 minutes!’ I thought. I could be having a baby in 15 minutes! 

BUT (so many buts in this story) her head was gigantic. The hardest part of pushing is getting the babies head under the pubic bone and having it stay past the bone, but Devin’s wouldn’t stay! Her head would get past the bone during a contraction, then would go back after I stopped pushing. We’d be able to see her head, Vince and the nurse would get excited, then it would disappear. And this went on for three more hours. 

As I mentioned before, the contractions weren’t actually painful anymore as long as I was pushing. I would get 4-5 good pushes out of each contraction, and the harder I pushed, the better I felt. My lower back was really hurting at one point so I had some hot packs on it, but other than that pushing wasn’t terrible and it did not feel like it took the amount of time they say it did. There was a few times I was just really tired and I kept saying, ‘I can’t do this!’ but Vince, the nurse, and the doctor would all say that I was doing it, which really boosted me up.

This is the time when I did want Vince touching me and being close while he said encouraging things to me. He said he was going to go get something (fill my water?) and I about freaked out on him. He was smart and stayed while my nurse went to fill it.  

Finally, after 3 hours and 50 minutes of sweaty pushing, she decided to make her presence into the world. I definitely can’t say I had a ‘ring of fire’ everyone talks about. For a gross image, I had pushed half her head out when my contraction stopped, and had to wait for the next contraction to get the rest of her out. Even as she was halfway out of me between contractions I thought, ‘This is so uncomfortable and awful, but it’s not painful?’ but then I also said, “HOLY SHIT” and my nurse laughed and said she can’t believe that was my first swear word the entire time. 

With the next contraction at 2pm on the dot, out Devin came, already screaming! Everyone laughed because it’s uncommon for the baby to start screaming until their whole body is out, but as soon as her mouth hit the air she screamed.

They put her on my chest and my first thought was, “She has Vince’s lips!” and then of course the usual thoughts of how perfect and beautiful my baby is. She smelled wonderful and felt wonderful and my whole world just felt like it was exploding with joy. THAT was the reason I went through months of sickness and hours of pain. 

Devin laid on me for a bit while Vince cut the cord and the doctor took care of the placenta, then she was checked out by the special care nursery for a minute to be sure her thyroid looked good. It was perfect so they quickly gave her right back. (She had an enlarged thyroid on some ultrasounds because of my thyroid meds.) My doctor stitched me up while Devin laid on me, our skin sharing each other’s warmth. It was just perfect and the best moment of my entire life.

A nurse encouraged me to help her latch on to breastfeed, but my craniosacral therapist had told me the day before to try and let Devin figure it out on her own at first, so I just let her be. Within minutes, she was rooting her way down my chest and like magic, latched on right away with almost no help from me. Now that was a perfect feeling. 

After about an hour and a half (maybe more, maybe less) I passed her over to Vince, fell madly in love with both of them all over, then rinsed off in the shower so we could transfer to the recovery room. The shower was of course crap (see above about NO HOT WATER) and a screw broke so that I had to actually hold the showerhead myself, which is hard to do that and soap up at the same time, but it felt pretty great. It was a wild feeling to look down and see no belly at all, it was almost completely back to normal just all bruised looking and squishy! There was a moment of extreme sadness when I realized that it was gone, just like that, until I realized my baby was now able to be in my arms. 

After my shower we did Devin’s weigh-in and measurements, and she was 6lb 9oz and 20 inches long. 

I was finally able to make eye contact with my nurse for the first time because my eyes had been pretty much closed since she had got on shift at 7am. She is another person who will forever have a place in my heart because she was just as great as my night nurse and was just what I needed for that transition of my birth. I can't actually picture her face anymore, but I can still hear her soft voice encouraging me.

After that we were transferred down a floor to recovery where we had some family visit and I got to say a million times to myself, ‘She’s here! I can’t believe she’s here! Look at how perfect she is!’ Vince got to get in his cuddle time with her and overall, it wasn’t a terrible night in the hospital. I expected them to not let me co-sleep with her in my bed, but they didn’t say anything about it when they came in for vitals. 

The next day we had her pediatrician come check up on her (I think he may have come the afternoon she was born as well, I can’t remember…) and he was amazed at how long of a birth it ended up being. He said everyone thought it was going to be faster and he’d gotten a call the night we checked in with a heads up that a baby was going to be born soon. Oh, how wrong they were! Ha. 

We had more family and friends come visit with us, my craniosacral therapist came to say hi and check out Devin, and the nurse that I had during the night of the birth came to say how wonderful of an experience my birth was for her and many other kind words. I thought it was so great that she did that! 

And with that, we were out of there! Vince drove us home all paranoid and adorable and she was quickly welcomed by Roxanne. 

The Birth. Part 1.

This is a book. I apologize. And not only that, but I'll have a few parts to it! There is the overall story of Devin's birth, then I'll post one specifically about the emotional aspects, HypnoBabies, and how it was the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life. Sappy, I know. (The latter really emphasizing how I made it through such a long birth without any medications and *gasp* lived to tell the tale.) There are only a few pictures because we were a little preoccupied and some are just so personal and too close to my heart.

How does one even begin to write up a birth story? It seems like everything in my life leading up to this point has played a critical role in her birth, so to exclude that feels like I’m excluding everything. Alas, I will try to stick to the days leading up to her birth.

For about a week and a half leading up to the due date, I was having a lot of contractions that weren’t quite Braxton Hicks, but not ‘real’ contractions either. Some would call this ‘pre-labor’, I would call this ‘psych yourself out, be on constant alert, and practice breathing’. I really focused on remaining calm and just allowing things to happen when the time was right, while also feeling like I just really wanted her to be in my arms already. My body was telling me I HAD to clean the house in an extremely unnecessary way (my kitchen cupboards really didn’t need to be washed), but my brain was telling me that this was the time to relax and collect myself for what was ahead and luckily my brain won. I finished up some lose ends with school and day dreamed about what my baby would look like while lazying around watching Netflix and listening to hypnosis tracks.

I went to my weekly prenatal visit on Wednesday the 11^th and asked my doctor to check my cervix, hoping there was some kind of progress because of all the pre-labor contractions I’d been having.  I was at 2cm and 90% effaced, so she asked me if I wanted my membranes swept because it sounded like I was on the verge of labor for a few days, and this may be what was needed to push me over the edge. Based on my research it seemed like nothing would happen if she wasn’t ready anyways, so I agreed. Definitely an uncomfortable experience that brought tears to my eyes! Vince panicked and asked if I was ok with a nervous look on his face and I then got nervous about how he would react with the whole extreme labor pain thing when the time came. (Spoiler: he did fantastic!) So that night I got excited thinking about the possibility of her being born in the next day or two.

Friday the 13^th rolled around and I figured that was going to be the day. All day Thursday I had really strong contractions through all 8 hours of class and my mind was just ready for the real thing to happen. I had the 13^th in my mind as a ‘good’ due date and woke up at 3:30am with strong contractions that had been even more different than previously. After the day of contractions that were strong and consistently five minutes apart, we went to labor and delivery when they started getting closer to three-four minutes apart. They weren’t extremely painful though, so I didn’t think much was going on but wanted to be sure even though I swore I wouldn’t be that person that goes in too early. (Though I can swear I won’t with the second baby…you know when it’s time!)

Turns out things weren’t really going on and I was only 3cm, so after walking around for an hour with little progression in dilation, we opted to go home around 11:30pm to see if anything happened. I was adamant that I would be at the hospital for as short of a time as possible. I was still having close contractions that were strong enough to not completely sleep through so I stayed in the living room on the recliner.

When they sent us to walk around the hospital, I pushed Vince in a wheelchair since 

his ankle was still injured and he couldn't keep up!

I was cognizant of each contraction as they happened, but was able to be in a kind of dream state so it didn’t feel like it was actually my body. All the sudden at 3:30am (same time as the previous night!) I realized my contractions were getting extremely uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough that it was a little difficult to focus and I needed to get in the shower and even moaned through some of them. They were about seven minutes apart so I thought they weren’t the real thing and that I was just going to continue with all the pre-labor fun. (Spoiler: they were real. This is where I start my ‘clock’ for how long labor was.)

Around 7am, my craniosacral/massage therapist texted me asking how things were and if I wanted to come in for a session at 9. I told her that my contractions were getting pretty intense and that I’d love to come in, so that’s where I headed. I was second-guessing my choice as we drove there because I just really wanted to be in my own home, but as soon as I got to her office I realized that place was also like a home to me. After seeing her often throughout my pregnancy and having a positive experience every time, I was so relaxed and at peace there. She did a lot of craniosacral work to get me and the baby ready, messed with some pressure points to help contractions be strong and effective, and gave me a relaxing massage in between contractions. I walked home and was home by 11am with so much more calmness surrounding me and an increased confidence in my bodies ability to do what it needed to do. The contractions were already much stronger and quickly getting closer together. By 2:30pm they were 3-4 minutes apart again and I had a feeling that these were definitely real, so we headed to the hospital.

Right before we left for the hospital. 

When we arrived they had us fill out paperwork again (we had pre-filled out paperwork we gave them the night before, but it didn’t matter because it needed to be done each time and they didn’t keep it) and we had to stand there about 10 minutes while they ‘figured things out’. It seemed like they were trying to decide who was going to help for a c-section that was about to happen, but I didn’t care! 

They got us into triage to get me checked out and I voiced my concern about not being anymore dilated and that I’d like to do the check before anything else so that we could just go home if I hadn’t progressed. I was at 5cm, though, so I was staying! During the hospital tour we'd done a few weeks previously the nurse said to ask for a room with a view of the peaks, so I jokingly did, but we got one!

We got checked into the room, I got a saline lock placed (an IV, but nothing attached to it) that was way more painful than contractions because she fished and fished for my vein even though my veins are phenomenal. Luckily she wasn’t my nurse for too long because I really didn’t enjoy her in general and she did not pay attention to the birth ‘preferences’ I’d given her and kept talking about the pain of childbirth, spelled Devin’s name wrong after I literally spelled it out for her, and kept calling her Devine, per the way she spelled her name.

Once we were settled, I headed straight for the bath. On the way to the hospital I was telling Vince I was excited to be there just so that I would have an unlimited supply of hot water to bath and shower with. Except I was wrong. Oh so so wrong. It turned out to be the most frustrating part of my whole labor!

The bath started off with hot water but by the time it was half full, it was cold water coming out. I asked my nurse if it was because there was some kind of temperature control, and she said there was. I just wanted to cry. I got in the bath anyways hoping it was be fine, but it was too cold and made my contractions even worse because I was so tense and shivering. I then opted to get in the shower but the water instantly turned cold as well. I gave up and just labored while walking around my room, listening to the Birthing Day Affirmations hypnosis track.

A few hours went by and there was a change of shift and a new wonderful nurse came on. I thought for sure she was going to be horrible because after introducing herself to me, she asked if I wanted to put on a robe so that I could be modest. MODEST. Granted, I was naked with just a sheet kind of wrapped around me as I walked around my room, but still. Did she not realize a baby was going to be coming out of my vagina at any moment (in the very distant future, it seemed) and would be sucking on my bare boobs? There is nothing modest about childbirth. I calmly said that I was fine and it was never brought up again, and everything she did after that made me forget about my first impression.

She asked if she could start a bath and I told her the water was too cold and she instantly perked up and said there was something wrong and she would try to take care of it right then. Hallelujah!! She called maintenance and there apparently had been some problems with the hot water, but they would try to fix it. In the meantime, she started a bath in another room and it was working great.

The hours that proceeded that are kind of a blur time-wise. I did most of my laboring walking around my room, stopping with each contraction to lean on the wall or chair to moan and sway my hips side to side until it was over. I used the birthing ball during the first few hours and while at home, but at some point the pressure was just way too much and I couldn’t sit anymore. I had always envisioned using Vince a lot for support, having him hold me up, leaning on him, etc, but I just really wanted to walk and focus. I was hyperaware of him being there and wouldn’t let him leave the room at all, but I didn’t physically need him touching me. Knowing he was right there though was an incredible amount of support.

Our nurse was incredibly respectful of my birth ‘preferences’, leaving us to do our thing as needed. I had agreed to have the baby monitored for every 15 minutes of each hour instead of constant, and that was the only time she would come in. When the contractions got really intense I was unable to have the strap that held the monitor on wrapped around me because it made them so much more painful, so she just held it there with her own hands. Even though I had to stand and sway my hips, she just sat on the floor beneath me and moved with me. She always kept the lights how I wanted them, she never asked me my pain level like they are supposed to do with every vitals check, and she never mentioned anything about pain medication. She only checked my dilation when I specifically asked and was overall so kind and peaceful for every interaction.

As I walked I had my Easy First Stage hypnosis track on repeat and it seemed to line up perfectly with what I was feeling. A doubt would creep into my mind about the discomfort I was feeling, and then the track would tell me to take a deep breath and relax my mind. It was perfect!

Sometime after midnight, I think around 2am, I started to have contractions that were just so intense and no matter what I did, they just consumed me. They were increasing closer together, about every two minutes, and sometimes there was no rest in between. I would feel my body just starting to relax and another would start right away. My moaning turned to more of a yell and I would fall to the floor and I would think, ‘I cannot do this,’ and then immediately, ‘But you ARE doing this!’

At this time, an epidural popped into my mind and I considered it, but I also told myself that this could be transition because everyone says it’s always way worse and intense during that point. My nurse came in and I asked, ‘At what point is a person too close to delivery that they can’t get an epidural? I am worried that I will be so tired by the time I’m ready to push that I’ll end up with a c-section.” She said, ‘Honey, you are never too close but you are handling this with you mind more than an epidural could. When it’s time for you to push, you will be able to push. You just have to make it through each contraction one at a time, don’t think about what will happen later.’ The last thing she said would end up being my saving grace for the rest of the birth.

I then asked if there were any other pain control options, knowing morphine was my only other choice. She of course said morphine like I thought, and I knew that was an absolute no. She then asked if I wanted to be checked to see how far along I was and I quickly agreed, hoping I would be at transition and close to 9cm.

Time to do what Vince hates the most...push pause at a critical time! Part 2 will be up tomorrow.