So I've changed my career choice again. I'm going to be a Pediatric Oncologist or an ER doctor. I've know about my decision for a while now, but haven't wanted to 'divulge' the secret yet, mainly because I don't know how people will react to it and that they will react in a bad way.
When I first told Vince I wanted to be a nurse, he said I should just be a doctor. I laughed, saying, 'HA! Like I'm smart enough for that!' But really? I was thinking, 'Man, I wish I could be a doctor. That's what I really want.' Over the next many months after deciding I wanted to be a nurse, I thought about being a doctor a lot. I envisioned myself cramming for tests, memorizing an insane amount of things, doing my residency in a big hospital, living in a different city with my husband. All of these things sounded so exciting to me, yet so impossible. I'm not doctor material! I'm not smart enough!
But wait. I'm getting some of the best grades in my science classes and I have a 4.0. I love learning and am great at it when I apply myself. So the smarts excuse wasn't good enough. My next excuse? OH, THE MONEY.
Did I really want to be $200,000 in debt by the time I graduate?! Well, when you think about how much a doctor makes, it's not really that much money. I could pay it off relatively 'quickly'. And did I really want something like money to stand in the way of what I really wanted for my life?
Which leads me to yet another excuse: I'D BE IN SCHOOL FOR 12.5 MORE YEARS! 2.5 years to finish my bachelors + 4 years med school + 3 years oncology resident + 3 years pediatrics resident = 12.5 years (Or 9.5 years if I become an ER doctor, because I'd have just one 3-year residency.)
I have about 2.5 years until I could complete my bachelors degree in forensic chemistry. Say what? Ya, forensic chemistry. I like chemistry a whole lot more than biology and it's best if I major in a science before going to med school because of all the pre-req science classes I have to take to apply. I'm allowed to choose an emphasis, like health pre-professional or biochemistry, and while health pre-professional would make sense, all the med schools say to choose whatever bachelors you are most interested in. I figure I'll get enough health knowledge out of med school, and forensic chemistry sounds SO fun.
And my last and final excuse? What if other people think I'm stupid? I'm not going to lie, when I've been telling the few people I've talked to that I want to be a doctor, I've held my breath waiting to hear their laughter. Something great has happened though: NO ONE HAS LAUGHED. No one has really acted surprised even, just excited for me! No one has questioned whether I can do it or not and that makes me elated. I don't know why I care so much if people think I'm smart enough or not, because I know I'm smart enough. I know that if I want to be a doctor, I'll be a doctor. So now I'm putting it out to the world officially: I'm going to be a doctor and by golly, I'm so damn excited to be in school until I'm 32. (Ok, so that last part I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I mean, 32! That seems so far away.)
And the best part? I'll be like this guy, with all my tattoos!