If Ben had killed another person instead of himself that night he chose to drink and drive, would I still feel the same way about him? Would I still miss him as much? Would I still think about him daily, wondering where Life would have placed him today? Would I still see him as a smart and respectable person?
I'm not sure, and I try not to think too much about it and it tends to hurt because I have a hunch that I would, in fact, see things differently.
A few days ago, a guy who was my age that I went to school with, and Ben's age when he died, was killed by a drunk driver who was only 19. The 20 year old who was killed was someone's child. He was supposed to grow up and have a happy life, not get killed by some asshole who chose to get wasted and then drive his car. His family and friends weren't supposed to attend a funeral for something that could have easily been prevented.
Ben could have killed someone besides himself. He thought he was fine to drive, just like almost every other drunk driver out there, but guess what? He wasn't and neither are a lot of people. Every day I look at the police log in the newspaper and there is line after line of 'extreme DUI' and 'super-extreme DUI'.
Ben knew what could have happened, and he knew that he was risking his life and every other persons on the road that he was on. He made an extremely selfish decision to get in his trunk, turn the keys, and put it in drive. He wasn't thinking about anyone else when he decided to go for a drive, and that hurts. I don't take it personally, thinking that he wasn't thinking about me, or his mom, or his best friends; it makes me hurt that he just didn't care enough his own life.
I'm sorry if you were friends with Ben and if you think this is rude to write, but all of this is true. I loved Ben and thought that, all in all, he was a great guy; that doesn't mean he wasn't selfish that night. I felt guilty for a long time after he died, thinking I could have done something. Now I realize that it had nothing to do with me. I'm still upset about what happened and wish that it didn't, but no matter what I said to him, he still would have gotten in his truck and took off.
Please, if you or someone you know is going to drive drunk, just stop them. You make think it's fun, or your friend may think it's fun, but it's not. People do die, despite the fact that the thoughts in your head tell you that it doesn't happen to people like you. Because in reality, it does happen to people like you, and me, and your family.