Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!

Let me tell you a little story of why I'm a baby. As an almost grown child, not yet a teenager, I spent enough camping trips in the White Mountains to not be afraid of bears. There were bear traps everywhere, some containing bears that we were able to oogle at, and signs on every other tree warning you to drop to the ground if a bear came. Act like you're dead and it'll think you're dead. Because of that, I was not afraid of bears. Just act like I'm dead and I'll be fine? Easy! No worries about being ripped limb from limb!

Until last week when a friend ruined everything. Everything, I tell ya! We were on a hike and got to talking about bears and mountain lions, both of which we have in Flagstaff. We were talking about various people we know who have seen both animals while on hikes or mountain bike rides, which made them kind of real to me. I had heard of mountain lions occasionally being in peoples back yards and bears being seen on bike rides, but no real firsthand experiences. All stuff read in the paper until my friend told me some stories. At the end of our hike, I didn't think I was scared or anything and still felt the same un-afraidness of mountain lions and bears as before.

Queue to a week later when I went on a run/hike with Vince while he rode his bike. After a while of exercising together, we split paths so he could go one way and I could go another. I was good for the first 1/2 mile, then realized I was all alone at the top of the mountain where I was most likely to run into a dangerous animal, it was stormy and dark and sprinkling, and I was totally going to get eaten by a mountain lion or bear. Calm down, I didn't actually see any animals, I was just scared. And was so sure one was stalking me right then. What am I even supposed to do if a mountain lion attacks me?! So I ran. And ran. And kept running. Which in turn kind of scared me more because I was wearing a rain jacket that got noisier the faster I ran. I'm not very good with loud noises, let alone one that's right next to my ear, and my heart-rate just kept accelerating.

Finally, I ran into Vince after a couple miles alone and started to relax. I laugh at myself now thinking how silly I was, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to run like that otherwise!

Anyways, here are pictures, a mixture of iPhone and my 'big camera'.

Before we started I made Vince take a picture for our photo album, and of course he had to mess around for 20 shots before I yelled and started to walk away saying, 'SCREW IT, I DIDN'T CARE ANYWAYS.' One of the shots he put a banana on my head and laughed like a five year old.

This was when I was alone, at the outlook overlooking the city, which you can't actually see. It started raining more and I hightailed it back to the car. 

Dark and stormy!

After the run with my favorite girl.

By the way Beth, if you're reading this, I don't blame you. Or maybe I secretly hate you now.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Every Wednesday I participate in the Indie Ink Writing Challenge. This week I challenged K. Syrah, and Carrie challenged me with: 'Pick your favorite Elvis song and write a 500 word story using the lyrics as inspiration.' 

As an awkward kid who hadn't yet figured out how to handle his body, I was capable of doing two things really well: the Elvis lip curl and his well-known phrase of, ‘Thank you, thank you very much.’ You know the one that the ladies supposedly would swoon over and that only a select few can pull off? Granted, I could only achieve it when I was alone and in my bathroom in front of the mirror, but hey, to me that still counted.

Even though most of my friends never actually listened to Elvis, it was the cool thing to try and do at recess. We would all sit in a circle in the large grassy field, looking at each other and screwing our faces up, hoping that maybe, just maybe, one of us would pull it off in front of someone so we could be considered the coolest kid ever.

One day, after sitting in front of the mirror for hours the previous night, I decided at recess that I would tell everyone that I had perfected it: I was totally capable of doing the Elvis lip curl and sounding exactly like him.

Everyone stopped scrunching up their faces and focused completely on me, and me alone. No one was practicing their lip curl, no one was trying to perfect the tone of their voice; all eyes were on me and this was going to be the best glory moment of my young life.

Not one of us in the group had ever made such a big deal as I. Most of the time the other kids would say, ‘I’m getting a little closer! Can you tell? Can you?’ But me, being the cocky person that I am, straight up said, ‘Hey guys, I can totally do the lip curl and sound like Elvis, it’s like the easiest thing in the world. You seriously can’t? Ha!’

And honestly, in front of the mirror I could! I would reach into the little throat of mine and out would come the growly voice of the King himself and my lip would curl in the most perfect of ways that, had the King still been alive, would have made him jealous.

But in front of a group of friends where I was already the ‘loser’ of the group? Ya, it was a little harder.

So I sat there, with my butt getting damp from the green grass, with all eyes on me. I tried to block everyone from my view. I tried to imagine them naked or in their underwear. Heck, I even tried to imagine them in granny panties complete with a wig! But it didn’t work. I attempted the lip curl and my face completely froze up. NOTHING. And that deep growly voice that was supposed to come out didn’t show itself. Instead, a tiny squeak emitted from my throat. My glory moment was officially ruined and after that day I never tried to channel my inner Elvis again.

So, funny story: When Vince and I were talking about music for our wedding last week, I said that my only rule would be NO ELVIS. I don't know why I don't really like his music, but I just don't. I know, I'm probably the only person in the world, but I can't help it! So imagine my surprise when my prompt was about none other than Elvis himself. And it had to be 500 words. (Which I got exactly right!) I was a little worried that my writing would be crap, and I was actually dreading it! I guess that's where the word 'challenge' comes in...

I know I didn't follow the prompt to a 'T' because I was supposed to choose a song as inspiration, and I instead chose to use the phrase after his songs, but I had a lot of fun writing this. It isn't exactly a story from my childhood, but as a kid I did always try to perfect that little trademarks of Elvis'!

Library Conference

{Yes, I blurred out my place of employment...we've got more than one libarry in my town and I don't need you kidnapping me. Seriously.}


Today I went to a conference for work {the public library, for those of you that don't know, since I rarely talk about my job} and it wasn't too bad. We got pretty name tags that matched my fingernail polish, I really liked the presenters and we got to have an author read from her new book and tell us about it. Overall it was good. What really made it a good day, though, was the way it started off...

Some of my coworkers and I walked in to the room and found our seats. I noticed that was a coffee/drink table in the corner, so I went over there to look at my options. Since I went to sleep at a pretty late time last night, I decided on the coffee. I rarely drink coffee, so I figured it will kick my butt into hire gear.

I looked around the table for a lid, and realized there weren't any! Nothing EVER good comes from a full cup of coffee with no lid, so I kept searching hoping they're just hidden. I don't know about you guys, but I am a magnet for spills of any kind. After searching and searching, I figured that I would just have to be extra cautious and I gave up on the lid search.

I went and sat down next to my coworker and I tell her the horrible news, that there are no lids. I joked around saying, 'Man, they're just asking for trouble!' We laughed and she said, 'You better be careful!' 

Aaaaand not even ten seconds later, the drink spilled.

You see, my coworker, that's right, NOT ME, stood up and got caught on the fancy white table cloth...and spilled the coffee. It was so funny and we couldn't stop laughing! Luckily it wasn't a big deal. The tablecloth was an off-white color and the coffee dried pretty quickly, so it was barely noticeable. I was just happy that for once, I wasn't the one that spilled!

Now I can give her shit for it for let's say...two weeks? Three weeks?

My Circumstances at Walmart

Every Wednesday for work, I go shopping at Walmart with our giftcards, and it seems that every week, something crazy happens to me!  

Last week it was the fire alarm going off and the week before it was getting caught up with a weird guy lifting his shirt so he could show me his tattoos. Ya, definitely not what I came to the store to see. Well, this week, TWO crazy things happened!

Crazy Circumstance # 1

The first one happened when I was standing in the checkout line. I put everything up on the conveyor belt thing and spaced off for a minute. When I turned to my left I saw a guy who works at Safeway that almost always checks out my groceries. {Not checks them out sexually, you sickos, checks them out so I can pay for them...} 

I immediately smiled and said, 'Hey, Safeway guy!' because his name tag doesn't say his name, it just says 'Cashier', so even though I talk to him on a weekly basis I don't know his name. 

He smiled, blushed profusely and said, 'Hey, I can't believe you recognize me, Steffani!' I will admit, I felt a little...strange, that he remembered my name from my membership card, but I wasn't creeped out or anything, he's just a regular-seeming teenager who works at Safeway. 

I replied, 'Of course! I can't believe you remembered me!'

He blushed again and said, 'I'd remember you anywhere!'

And to that, we shared an extremely awkward silence before we both started laughing and said, 'Ya, well, see ya later!' 

It was especially funny to me, because he thinks that I'm married! The name on my membership card is Vince's, so every time I checkout he always says, 'Thanks Mrs. R". I could tell by his face that he realized almost immediately what he said, though, and that it didn't sound right. 

{This is actually the second awkward situation we've shared. He also told me 'Happy Mother's Day' when I was babysitting for my sister and I had to tell him she was my niece. He was truly mortified.}

Crazy Circumstance #2

It was pouring yesterday so when I was walking to my car, I was rushing. I saw one of those huge overly-compensating-for-something lifted trucks that guys drive but it was still pretty far away so I started walking in front of it. 

All of the sudden they honk and me and I freak out! Is this guy, who is inside his warm truck, really going to honk at me for walking in front of him IN THE POURING RAIN? SERIOUSLY?! So I did what any normal and annoyed person would do and flipped them off. Yes, I flipped them off.

After politely showing my anger I turned my head to make eye contact with them to give them a death glare when, whoopsie, I know the person! And they were honking to get my attention! Luckily they laughed right along with me, but man; I was ready to kick their car and run off I was so pissed.

Needless to say, I will not be flipping off anyone else. Well, unless I make eye contact first.

Does anyone have crazy stuff happen to them when they go to Walmart, or is it just me?