Friday, April 27, 2012

Take me back...

I'm sitting in bed at 2:21 in the morning, not able to sleep, with my headphones in my ears blaring the sweet sounds of the Garden State Soundtrack being extremely sentimental. I'm not sure if I'm being sentimental because of the music I'm listening to, of if I chose this music because I'm in a sentimental mood. Either way, this is the situation I'm in.

Sometimes I just want to shout out to the universe:
I do not approve of this.
Please, take me back to the easier times.
The times of me going to the ditch pool and hearing Red Hot Chili Peppers come on the radio every two songs.
The times of running around barefoot on steaming hot cement until my feet were permanently black, o matter how hard I scrubbed.
The times where I made up my own religion and said that everything had feeling and prayed that the plate wouldn't feel too much pain when I scratched it with my steak knife.
The times where I was a little older and pretended I was sophisticated because I drank scotch and smoked cigars with my friends on a Saturday night even though we were in high school and had no idea what the hell good scotch tasted like or the proper way to smoke a cigar.
The times of driving with my friends with no place to go and a case full of mix CDs.
The times where all of my friends were alive and happy and healthy.
The times of watching movie after movie with my best friends and laughing until I cried.
Take me back to the easier times.

I'm feeling so many things all at once because I MISS the old days where my worries were so minuscule, yet I am so incredibly happy with where I am today. I know I don't actually want to go back to those times because hey, I've already lived through them. And in all reality, they may be easier times in hindsight but when I lived through them I still had rough times. At the same time it's hard to not get caught up in the past when I think of all the crazy things going on in my life right now even if I love those things.

When did I grow up?! When did all these things I'm remembering become a thing of the past? I feel like it was just yesterday that I was fighting with my best friend because she took an extra turn on the computer after she died in the game, but that was over ten years ago. TEN YEARS, not yesterday.

When did I grow up, get married and decide to become a doctor?! I feel like I've been placed in this life because everything is just happening whether I want it to or not. Luckily I DO want it to happen and am thoroughly enjoying the way it's progressing. It's a life I love and wouldn't trade for anything. I love having a loving husband and a beautiful dog to come home to. I love that I know what I want to do with my life and that I am actually achieving those goals. It's just mind-blowing to think of all these things I've succeeded at that have put me where I am today.

I'm sure in ten more years I'll look back on this time of my life and think, 'Man, those were the simple days!'

So I'm making more of an effort to really focus on what's going on write now and try to absorb it all. Take more walks with my husband and dog, take beautiful pictures, read outside, take hikes instead of being on Facebook, cook amazing dinners and savor the fresh air as it comes in my back door. I guess, in a way, just live a more thoughtful life.

Whew! Well with that all laid out, I'm ready to sleep. I hope all this blabber made sense to someone, and if not, sorry! I don't feel like this all the time, thankfully, just sometimes. Do any of you feel this way?


And I need to do more things like lay in the sun with Roxi Girl!


  1. I totally get what you mean, though I don't miss my teenage years at ALL! lol. I was in foster care and no, there was no light at the end of the tunnel back then. But I feel so old even now, and I'm like, "Man, I'm 25? I kind of feel like I celebrated turning 19 a few weeks ago..."

    I feel like these are the best years!!! And that kind of makes me sad. Like I'll be 30 and be like "well, time to give up now" or something ridiculous. I'm hoping that won't happen, but I get what you mean when you say that things are just so good and this is the time to really enjoy life, even though there is and always will be drama.

    Anyway, tl;dr, I know how you feel, and if I could hit a pause button I'd do it right now and just sort of take in all that's happened. But I don't have a pause button. So I just deal with it. lol.

    1. I feel like these are the best years for what they are. I feel like I'm so excited for the years when I'll be done with school and have kids and whatnot, but I really am having a great time now!

      Once you get to 30, I'm sure you'll still be having fun! I understand what you mean though. Maybe since I have an older husband I realize that life doesn't stop after 30 haha

  2. Aw, I know how you feel. Even though I don't at all want to go back and am really happy with where I am, there are still little memories here and there that I'd love to be able to just relive again, just for an hour or two. =]

    1. Ya, i guess I wouldn't want to live through everything again, just certain moments!

  3. I keep thinking the same thoughts... where oh where does 10 years go?

    and yes, Roxi girl needs more soak up the sun time with Momma!