In today's world with Facebook, blogging, Instagram, etc., it seems like everything is documented. Not just big milestones like a baby starting to walk, but what food was eaten for breakfast and what traffic was like. Since I felt so terrible for so long I didn't 'document' anything for pretty much the first 4 or 5 months of my pregnancy and have been having some anxiety about it! Ok, anxiety may be a bit dramatic, but maybe guilty or sad?
I feel like there are so many little things that I'm already forgetting about being pregnant, and I haven't even had her yet. Did I feel kicks at 20 weeks? Or was it 21? When did I feel like I was actually getting big? When did my itchy belly start? When did my nacho cheese craving go away?
Within all of that I feel the guilt that I won't be able to share as many 'things' with my kid like it seems so many other mom's do nowadays. Have I written a single letter to my baby? No. Will I ever? Maybe one if I really feel the urge, but I have no mental capacity or desire to do that right now. But isn't that someone I should feel like I should do? It seems like every day there is another person who posts a 'Dear seventeen and a quarter month old Zachary, let me tell you just how much I love you.' But that's also when I think, 'Barf, shut up, I'm no longer reading this ridiculousness,' and I realize maybe that's not for me. Neither is a baby book with 'fill in the blank' type things because I don't like the look of half the book being typed and half hand written and I definitely wouldn't keep up with it, I have no room or energy for scrapbooking, I'm terrible at updating this blog...
So over the past couple weeks I've been trying to think about what I'll want to remember and what would be fun to pass on to my baby girl. I realized that the things I love most are the pictures I have from when I was a kid/in utero with the little tidbits of what was happening in the picture. I think I'll try and put my energy into saving some of my favorite pictures in a file so that at the end of my pregnancy I can just print one of those easy photo books, then go through and write something on each photo. As far as trying to remember all the little things, I'll settle with a plain piece of paper in a notebook for now! Also, I'm realizing that I really don't need to remember all the little things. The things that are important to me are things I'll always remember so I really just need to not worry about it.
This all seems a little crazy to write about on a blog - not documenting things? What?! I guess I'm just trying to say I'm not going to be stressed out about trying to keep up with recording everything, but I'm still going to do it to some extent because I enjoy it. But really, if my parents had 400 pictures from one day at the park with me I wouldn't want to look through them anyways.
With all that being said, I finally felt her hiccups today and I'm officially 'table belly' status! ;)