Last night, I was almost murdered.

Gather round, children, gather round. It is now story time here on this blog.

Short version:
Last night someone tried to unsuccessfully break into our house and the title of this post is incredibly misleading. The end.

Long version:
(But first a side note about where we live: Our apartment is an old house converted into four separate apartments, with a main front door that leads to the separate front doors to each unit inside. Our home is a bit strange in the sense that we have our bedroom set-up where the living room should be, meaning our bedroom happens to have the seldom-used front door that leads to the main entryway, and our windows face the front of the house towards the street.)

Last night I stumbled into bed around 11:30. Vince had fallen asleep on the couch, and since he acts like a five year old when I wake him up to brush his teeth and go to bed, I left him there in an uncomfortable position. He's correct when he says he's an adult who knows when to brush his teeth.

So off to bed I went. I read my kindle for a bit as the wind found it's way through the window that was slightly cracked, and finally decide it was time to sleep. I quickly drifted off into dream land when I was suddenly awoken by a slight knock at the front door. Not a real knock, rather a eery little *tap tap*, like someone who is knocking on a door but is secretly hoping the person occupying the house doesn't hear it, and thus does not open their door.

I of course bolted upright because it was 1:30 in the morning, and who knocks on someone's door at 1:30 in the morning? I sat there on the bed, three feet from the door, listening. Did I really hear a knock? Roxi wasn't barking, so maybe I was imagining it? Maybe it was the wind?

Then I heard loud footsteps going upstairs. Ah! It must have been one of the upstairs neighbors getting home late, and their bag just happened to hit our door! It happens frequently enough. But still I leaned a little closer to the door to be sure the chain and handle were locked. As I sat back on the bed I heard the stomping come down the stairs again. I double checked the chain and handle just to be sure because I'm terrified at that point, and THE DOOR HANDLE JIGGLES.

SOMEONE IS TRYING TO GET IN MY HOUSE!

My first thoughts were, "I'm naked! I don't know where my phone is to call 911! What if they somehow get in?! WHAT IF THEY CRAWL THROUGH MY OPEN WINDOW AND KILL ME?!" Clearly my next choice of action was to slam the window shut, even though it was highly unlikely someone would crawl through my window. It's close enough to the main entrance that I think the person heard, because the door in the main entry opened quickly after that. The screen door is impossible to open quietly, even if you have lived here for years, so I heard them slam into it as it was opened. I didn't see the person leave (I know, I know, stupid me!) because I had ran to wake Vince up.

Vince quickly got dressed and said he was going to walk the perimeter. Because I didn't see the person leave, I of course assumed he was still around the house and was totally against it. It was dark! And windy! And creepy! But Vince, being the manly protector, got a piece of wood used for massaging your back that really just looks like a rolling pin, and went outside with Roxi. If Roxi saw someone, she would lose her shit and bark and potentially bite them if she was threatened, but I was still scared.

After a quick search, they didn't find anyone. The front door and screen were wide open, with all the lights on in the entryway, and the front gate was open. I called the non-emergency police number and they sent a guy out, but I'm assuming no one was found. I was completely freaked out by it after (hearing your door handle be jiggle by a stranger is sooooo creepy!) and was thinking that I wanted to move away from downtown immediately, but then realized this was the first time it has happened in the five years we've lived here. (Well, when we first moved here there was a guy who tried to walk into my open backdoor when he was running from the cops, but that was before the big fence was put up.) The lesson learned is that we really need to make sure we shut the front entryway doors to make it less noticeable that it's not a real front door, to keep the inside lights off when it's night time, and to keep our gates closed.

Anyways, that was super long and dramatic.