Today, I Love...

When my stepmom was pregnant with my little brother and after she had him, she would walk and walk and walk around the neighborhood for what seemed like hours. I never understood it because even though the neighborhood can be pretty, it would get quite boring. Now that it's getting colder and it's inconvenient and difficult for me to go hike in the woods, I've taken to walking my neighborhood. And it's lovely! I think I will enjoy exploring the surrounding neighborhoods and the quietness of it now that winter is here. Tonight the roads were deserted, the pond was starting to freeze over, and I was just excited to be outside with a kicking baby in my belly and a dog that was so happy to smell everything.

Post idea from one of my favorite and most inspiring blogs, Assortment. My post is just a little wordier. ;)

Limiting Electronics

This semester I have had a lot of down time. In previous semesters I have always worked a ton, was in class 4-5 days a week, and overcommitted myself. Honestly, a hectic and crazy life is when I thrive the most! This semester, because it was the start of the big scary nursing program, I cut waaaaaay back. I'm still somehow finding myself working between 20-30 (and sometime 50+ and sometimes 0) hours a week between my regular job and all the families I nanny for, but it's work I enjoy so it doesn't seem like work. (Barf. Anyways.) On top of that, I only have classes two days a week, one four hour day and one ten hour day. I also have been purposefully not committing to a lot of things, trying to keep my stress level down. And honestly, my stress level HAS been way down! But I also find myself getting bored.

Between being prescribed a way too high dose of hyperthyroid meds that sent me into being hypothyroid and thus EXHAUSTED all the time, and not actually needing to do anything at a specific time, the past few weeks (dare I say months?) I have been getting sucked into the internet and Netflix. And once I fall down that dark whole it's sooooo hard to crawl out of it!

Structure is extremely important for me to be functional, as is having a purpose. So to have five days free every week (theoretically) makes me feel like I have no purpose. Of course I could be studying, but honestly how much studying can one do? And it is so easy to get caught in the trap of, 'Oh, I'll just study later, after this. Actually, it can just wait until tomorrow since I have nothing else to do then!' When I am busy I feel the time crunch and know I have to do something right then, because I will have no time later. So at the moment I am stuck in the perpetual, 'I'll have time later!' thought process.

Somehow this whole situation has not affected my schoolwork, thankfully, but it just makes me feel like a giant turd. I do have things to get done around the house, projects that need finishing, laundry to be cleaned, but have been so unmotivated to do it. So to remedy that, I'm trying to create a schedule for myself. It is waaaaay past due considering this semester is over halfway over, but whatever. Here are some ideas I've proposed to myself:

Limit laptop use that is not related to homework to 30 minutes per day. I will happily sit on my couch with my laptop and waste the day away, but chances are I would never do that at my desktop because the chair is not that comfortable. I can, however, do homework on it, because again, I'm not very likely to sit at the desktop for a long period of time.

Only check Facebook twice a day with a maximum of 15 minutes total. It is sooooo easy to get caught up with Facebook and every time I check it I'm always thinking, 'WHY AM I DOING THIS?! I don't care about 90% of the shit I just read!' I've already had it deleted from my phone for a while, so now I'm going to wean myself away bit by bit.

Only check Instagram twice a day with a maximum of 10 minutes total. I feel like I should also limit how many times I post a picture? I usually limit myself to one a day, though, so I don't think it'll be a problem. Anyways, it's such a handy thing to entertain myself with pretty much anytime I don't have something to do for longer then 0.5 seconds (think in line at the grocery store, while waiting for a meeting, before class, during breaks, etc) and it's not something I need to be doing.

No TV during the day from Monday-Thursday. Vince and I wind down together with the TV at night, but I have no reason to watch it during the day. Vince is at work those days so I can use this time to do homework, go to class, clean, craft, read, work out, cook, etc. Hopefully this means I can get most of my schoolwork done during the week so that weekends are free. (Though I still have to work.)

No electronic on Saturdays. I talked to Vince about this and though it took convincing, he is on board with me! I think this will be extremely beneficial to us because as with all electronics, it's so easy to always be on our phones, or watching TV 'together' or surfing the internet. So to have a whole day to reconnect every week will be great, and with summer coming it'll be a perfect day to plan day trips and be outside. Granted, we are already outside a lot anyways, but now Vince won't have to be annoyed with, 'Hold on, I want to take a picture of this!'

Do not work on homework when Vince is home. There are so many nights where I'm in another room getting a quiz finished late into the evening after Vince is home from work, when I'd rather be spending time making dinner with him. I have no excuse for not getting it done earlier in the day.

I'm hoping that by instilling these 'rules' for myself I'll be able to find some inspiration within my days to do useful things around the house. I guess now that I type everything up it's not really a schedule for my day, but in a way it is because it will force me to actually do stuff during the day instead of sit on the computer or watch streaming shows. I'm going to make up a little sign to tape on my TV/laptop and I'll let you know how it works!

Realizing that I can.

I mentioned on Facebook that I have a deep love for Henry Rollins after seeing him do spoken word a few years ago. I hold this man to the highest level of respect and find him so incredibly inspiring. 

It's a funny thing to be an adult and still think that there are so many things that you can't do. That you can't travel because you have no money, that you can't learn something new because you have no time, that you can't do a certain sport because you are out of shape. As a child you believe you can do anything and be anything you want to be, but somewhere along the line, we lose that. Why? Why do we automatically start to think there are things we can't do?

I think one thing that I've been realizing over the past few months is that there are so many fucking things I am capable of that before I did them, I told myself I couldn't do. I can change my mind about having a baby. I can climb to the top of a tree in the freezing woods and walk between them on a tightrope. I can ski down a snowy mountain top. I can travel to cities I've never been to. I can ride my bike miles and miles past the point I thought I'd have quit. I can have a conversation with someone I don't know and make a connection. I can rock climb. I can read page after page afar page after PAGE and still have the brain power to function. I can forgive people who have hurt me. 

I am capable of doing so much more then I've ever imagined and now that I am realizing that, it's like the entire world it opening up to me. I'm no longer laughing at myself when a little idea pops into my mind about something I want to try and "can't do", and instead am thinking, "Hmm, how can I make that happen?"

Next time you think of something silly you want to try that you think you can't do, find a way to do it. From there, a snowball effect will happen and you'll just continue to fill your life with exciting adventures.

So how can you make your ideas happen and do the things you want to do? What do you want to do?

Spring Bucket List

Sara does a mini bucket list every once in a while, and I love the idea! It's nice to have a little to-do list of things I want to do so I can print it out to have a constant reminder so on the days I have nothing to do, I can take a look and pick something. Here is mine, and be sure to go check out Sara's bucket list!

I plan on printing this put and putting it on my bulletin board in the kitchen.

Do you have a bucket list for spring or things you want to do?

Talking about it again.

I started this post by typing 'Sorry, I'm going to talk about working out again!' Then though, 'No way am I apologizing, this is my place to talk about what I want.' And it is! If you don't want to hear about it, don't read, and if you want some inspiration, read on. (And I don't know why you wouldn't want inspiration, everyone needs to work out.)

So let's start this post over with: I LOVE WORKING OUT. I don't totally love cardio machines, I don't totally love running, but holy hell, throw a barbell my way and I get excited. One thing I have learned the past couple months is that there are so many different ways to work out and you just have to keep trying new things until you find what you love. Some people are head over heels in love with Zumba, while I completely hate it. Some people hate free-weights, but I love them. It's all about finding what works for you.

As some of you know, I started getting into fitness by doing the Jillian Michaels - 30 Day Shred
 videos. Without those, I would probably not have stayed working out. Her videos were hard enough that I felt empowered after doing them, but not so hard that I hated them. (I have done many videos where I was like, 'They want me to do what? For how long? Oh hell no, I'm going back to watching Law & Order: SVU on the couch.') After a while of doing her videos and building muscle - that's the key: building muscle - I felt like my body wanted more, so after a video I started to go on a run. Running was way easier when I actually had muscles on my legs, so I started to run a lot more and loved it. I decided to join the gym when it got colder to continue working out. From there, I fell in love with all the fancy cardio and weight machines, but still felt like I needed more. Recently I looked into classes and saw that there was a beginning weight-lifting class, which led me to my current love.

I can't tell you how awesome it is to feel and see my body change SO QUICKLY. The other day, I looked down at my stomach and saw some ripples, or little bulges. At first I panicked because my stomach has always been flat and I thought maybe my intestines were swollen or something. Then I realized it was my abs! I am starting to get a six pack. I ran out of the bathroom and shouted, "Vince! Vince! Look at this shit! Do you see these abs?!' He laughed and nodded his head, then tried to make a move on me.

It is still such a mind-bender to me that my body can adapt to things so quickly, especially since I have been eating right. My arms are already more toned and my biceps are growing bigger, my legs are showing muscles, and my butt? It's like a firm bubble butt. I can even tell a difference in the way the jeans rub against when I walk. It's crazy and fascinating to see how my body is changing, and strange to get used to at the same time. These are the results I wanted that I wasn't getting from cardio alone.

Also, the feeling I get after a hard workout? So exhilarating. Leaving the gym thinking about how I smashed my goal and how in awe I was over the fact that I could lift that much/squat that much/do that much in x amount of time is awesome.

source

So here is the take-home message from this whole exercise-induced high of a rantpost: try new things. Find what works for you. There are millions of ways to exercise, you just need to get off your ass and do something. Whether it's mountain biking, swimming, running, weight-lifting, Latin dancing, spinning, yoga, hiking...your body will thank you and you will feel amazing.

Also, if you live in Flag and want to go to the gym with me, let me know. I could always use a spotter.

*All images found via this pinterest 

Airstream

Today has been a sad day. Family issues are never fun to deal with, especially when they leave you so heartbroken that you just want to crawl into bed and cry all day.

Luckily, there have been a few fun things today that have elevated my mood slightly. 

Since I decided to go to nursing school, Vince and I have been considering what we want to do, living wise. Our house we have now is wonderful and perfect in pretty much every way that we need. It's close to the woods, has tons of space, a big fenced backyard for the dogs, a washer and dryer...everything that we want in a house. Except the price, it's so expensive! When I go to school, I plan on going full time and hopefully cutting back on my work hours to 30/week instead of 40. That means that I will be getting paid less, meaning there's no way Vince and I will be able to build a substantial savings account, which bums both of us out. 

What I really REALLY want to do is buy something like a trailer, deck it out, and find some place with hook-ups on the edge of the forest. I doubt it will ever happen and we'll pinch pennies in our current house, but a girl can dream about THIS. {Seriously, click on the link and go through the slideshow!} This guy bought an old Airstream trailer and remodeled it and I LOVE it. Seeing this is so inspirational and I would freak out if we could live in a small space like that and just focus on school and riding bikes. 

{Photo via Apartment Therapy < click there for more photos}

{Link found via Yes and Yes}

It was also fun to sit and redo my blog. Sometimes I just want a change, and it makes more sense to change my blog than do something crazy like paint my walls or re-arrange my whole house.

You like?

The Single Dad

I just had to share a beautiful video with you that I saw here first.

There are so many single moms out there, but not many single dads. I think it's hard whether you are male or female, but it's great that a single dad gets recognized as well.

I love the fact that he's tatted up and has graffitied walls, yet his daughter has tutu's and he paints her nails. I just feel sorry for her when she's a teenager and her dad locks her in her room! =P

Watch it in full screen, because the cinematography is eye-pleasing too.

Can I make it as a nurse?

It's a question I ask myself everyday since I decided I want to be a nurse: Can I make it as a nurse?

I'm not worried about cleaning up someones poop, dealing with the jerk from hell, seeing blood, or being short staffed and having to work for extremely long hours. I'm not worried about any of that. I know I can easily handle that.

What I'm worried about is the death part. 

Two years ago I watched a guy die of a heart attack while I was snowboarding. Vince and I were riding the lift up and I noticed 2 men and a woman skiing down, laughing and talking to each other. I noticed one man ran over the womans skiis and I thought to myself, "That would piss me off if my friend did that!" After I thought for a second, I realized I wouldn't really care, and I could hear the girl laugh it off. Next thing I see, the man's his skis pop off his feet and he lands face flat in the snow. Vince and the people on the chair behind us exclaimed, "Oh man, he's out cold!"

I immediately knew something wasn't right though, I just had a feeling and I started crying within like 15 seconds. It ended up that he wasn't all right; he had a heart attack and died. 

When the man, Jeff, was laying there, his others friends noticed what had happened and were calling out his name, from about 15 feet further down the mountain. His friend kept calling out, "Jeff, buddy, are you all right? Come on Jeff, say something." Hearing the fear it his voice was AWFUL. I've been in a situation like that, where you truly don't know if someone is ok and the worst thoughts are running through your mind. 

Jeff's friends kept trying to talk to him and had climbed back up the mountain to him. We all kept asking Jeff's friend if he was responsive, and by the panic in his voice, we knew he wasn't. 

After riding the lift to the top of the mountain and then riding back down again, passing Jeff as someone gave him CPR and waiting for Ski Patrol, I was heart broken. I went to the deck on the lodge to sit, and at that point the medics had brought Jeff down and the ambulance was there and a helicopter was on it's way. I sat at a picnic table and secretly cried while everyone was wanting to look at him over the ledge and see what had happened.

This was the 2nd run of the day, and I was already done.

Can I deal with that on a daily basis? Will I want to cry for every person that dies, knowing they may have had a family that loves them and more of a life to live? Will I grow callous to it and not care after a while? Will I just have to carry all that pain and sadness with me for the rest of my life? Maybe going into work and expecting it will make it different.

I want to work in the PICU, Oncology, or the ER, the places where people will die EVERY DAY. I will have to go into work knowing that someone will most likely die.

Will the fact that some people do survive be enough to keep me going back?

I obviously don't know that answer to any of those questions, but I do want to find out. 

I know I want to be able to help people and I will have hope that they'll survive.

I'm reading a WONDERFUL ladies blog, as she deals with Stage IV ovarian cancer. She is beautiful, spunky, and actually LIVING HER LIFE FULLY unlike a lot of people, knowing that she only has 6-12 months to live. When I read that I just cried, trying to picture if someone told me I only had 6 months to a year to live, that's nothing. That would fly by so quickly. She seems upbeat about it though {as upbeat as you can be}, and is even going to Africa to volunteer next week!

She is so inspiring and when I'm laying in bed way longer than I should be, I'll think about her and ask myself if this is what I'd want to be doing if this were my last day. Usually, the answer is no.

Recently some people have been asking me how I'm so happy and upbeat, and it things like her blog that keep me happy. How can I be mad that's it's snowing outside when she knows she's going to die? How can I be sad that I can't afford the bookshelf or the flat screen I really want when there are SO MANY PEOPLE who are going to die?

I feel like being sad or mad isn't an option any more. I've spent way to many days being sad and unproductive, and it's not like it got me anywhere except more sad.

Maybe that's what will help me get through the hard days as a nurse?