Hello from the other side.

Mic check, one two, one two...anyone out there? Can you hear me?

Well. This is embarrassing. It's been quite the journey since I last updated the bloggity blog, so here's a little one. Sorry for the picture reposts from Instagram, I'll try to be a little more original next time. Maybe I'll start posting more often since I actually have a life now that doesn't revolve around school.

As an update from my last post, I got a nursing job! As I suspected, it wasn't in the ICU as I desired, but on a medical-surgical floor. Honestly, it has been great and has far exceeded my expectations. I've already been able to shock a patient, push some scary cardiac drugs, and grow leaps and bounds as a nurse in a very short time. I have SO much to learn, but my experience has been wonderful so far. Also, I'm realizing that the part of this job I thought I was going to hate the most - small talk with families and patients - is actually one of my favorite parts. Some days it's hard being an introvert, but it's so nice to help their day be a little better and there are many ways to educate and share my knowledge, which is the best. I'm a teacher at heart, so it's perfect!

I still have two weeks of my new grad nurse residency program before I'm on my own as a nurse (!!! a real! live! nurse!), and will be switching to nights this weekend. I had two weeks of general orientation to the hospital, then a grueling, oh so grueling, five week class that was harder than all of nursing school combined as well as one 12 hour shift each week on my unit. It was a lot of education over a short amount of time and I was not expecting the class to be that hard or for there to be so much homework involved, so I'm glad it's done. I learned a lot and I'm so grateful to have done it, but holy shit. I am done done done with school for now. Then I had a month or so of working days with a preceptor, which I finished this week. Then end is near!

During that hard five week stretch, Devin got almost all her teeth and I started hating her jusssssst a little. She got six or seven (?) teeth during that time and she was just a beast throughout. She missed me, I missed her, she just wanted to nurse 24/7, and I'm a mean mom who wouldn't give her medicine even though everyone told me to constantly. But! We survived! And she just has a few teeth left to go. I am very glad that I'm still nursing her because I have no idea how we would have survived without it. What do other moms do?!

Another harrowing situation we just survived was hand, foot and mouth disease! I thought she had gotten a yeast rash or something, but then it moved from her thighs to all over and she didn't even have a rash in the diaper area. There were two nights that were easily the worst nights she's/we've ever had and I ended up having to sleep in her room so that Vince could have her in our room because I had to work the next morning. I woke up often to her screaming, because she didn't sleep either night. But again, we survived! Some of the blisters are peeling off still and her feet are gross, but she's back to being a happy clam and up to her old wildchild antics like climbing on tables and sneaking into the chicken coop.

Vince has been working one day a week and staying home with Devin, which I think has made all of this transition better. He's still trying to figure out what he wants to do when he "grows up", but for now we're all in a good place. I'm finally done with homework and all the extra stuff that goes along with learning, and we're all so ready to just relax and enjoy life. We've been able to do a lot of little activities we've always wanted to do like taking picnics, going to the park, going swimming, etc. Somehow all those things went to the wayside and we were only able to focus on surviving so it's nice to actually live now. I've worked so hard for the last five years to get to this point and I'm relieved to finally say, "I'm a nurse!"

7QT

1) I find out this week if I got a job at the hospital! I feel like I'll at least get a job, but maybe not the unit I want. Honestly, I will be happy with anything because both have their pros and cons. I know starting med-surg will be incredibly helpful and will have a greater chance of working days, so it's really not a big deal if I don't start out ICU. Either way, I just want to know if I have a darn job.

2) Devin is teething and growing two inches every night, or so it seems, and because of that she is just wanting to be held and snuggled all day and all night.

When I put her to sleep she has to have her arm around me, even if it makes her uncomfortable. So sweet! But it also means that when I try to sneak out, she wakes up. After nursing her and snuggling with her a bit I've been having Vince come in and lay with her until she falls asleep after a few minutes, and it's worked well.

Which brings me to...

3) We're transitioning Devin to her own room! I'd be happy if she slept in our bed util she was 40, but it seems as if she wants to be alone. She'll sleep solidly until we come to bed, then she'll wake up every hour still wanting to nurse. Then we're all tired the next day. We've had her in her own room for this week, and so far it's gone well. Last night I slept with her for half the night because she had a rough day and just needed extra time with me, but other than that she's been fine alone and has woken up 2-3 times. Not bad, compared to before! So we'll see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, that's fine and I'll know it's not time, but for now lovvvvves the (coral, not pink!) room.

4) Devin is doing pretty good at her solo table. I do have to sit with her for each meal so she doesn't just wander off, but she really likes eating there. It's so fun to see what a big kid she is, getting on and off the chair, pushing herself back, etc. Mostly she wants to eat any and all meals outside, though.

5) Two of my close friends just had babies, and they are both SO beautiful and lovely. I can't wait to snuggle them! We're hoping to try for another kiddo at the end of the year, but until then, they'll be good substitutes.

6) Vince and I have switched over to shampoo bars and my goodness, they are amazing! So so amazing! I bought the three pack from Aquarian Bath on Etsy and got different ones (dry hair for Vince, greasy hair for me) and we both really like them. I did the recommended ACV rinse and I think it helped. My hair is so soft and bouncy, even Vince noticed it. The bars are also nice because they are really foamy/soapy feeling, which I didn't realize I missed with the organic shampoo I use that doesn't work well with my hair. Overall, great purchase.

7) Oh, and I graduated! No big deal. We had a BBQ at our house after and it was a nice way to celebrate and end the previous 5 years! Devin made sure to round up the hard cider cans the next day.

 

Brain fart: my life is actually busy.

So apparently towards the end of Spring Break I had a brain fart and wrote this post about how I have so much free time and am bored. Turns out it was just during spring break, despite working almost 60 hours that week, and my life in reality is actually crazy busy.

A couple of days after I wrote the post, Vince read it, laughed, and said, 'Ha, that's funny. I don't think you really have free time.' So then it made me wonder if I was just hiding it from him? Making it seem like I have more work then I really have? Over-exaggerating things so he'd feel bad for me?

After a quick peek at my handy-dandy planner, I realized I was waaaaaaaay underestimating how much I do every week. Turns out it felt like I was always watching TV or was on the computer when I was home because I was rarely home! Just looking back through my planner makes me question my sanity and I wonder how I'm still standing at the end of the week because most weeks I had some place I needed to be on 6 or 7 days. I am not writing this for a 'good job' or 'you are awesome' because there are SO many people who do far more and far harder things than I, but maybe just a reminder to myself that I'm not a total slacker and that I am actually doing things.

This week came upon me like a shit storm and I've been stressing out a little about it since I just have so much going on, and am nursing either a cold or really bad allergies. This morning while driving to babysit I thought, 'Hmm, I think I feel this way at the beginning of every week, and by mid-week I just don't care and accept that I have things to do.' And lo and behold, this morning I really didn't care about everything going on and was like, 'Whatever! I'm doing this.'

An example of my week that we're in the midst of, which honestly reflects most weeks of my life:
Sunday: work 7 hours at Taylor House (after working a 24 hours shift the day before), apply for a fourth job because life isn't crazy enough but I want the experience, write a scholarship essay, hangout with my family

Monday: Do an online collaborate session for class, clean the house (while still avoiding laundry that hasn't been done in way too many weeks), go grocery shopping, do some food prep for the week, do some reading for class, revise essay

Tuesday: do some reading, attend open lab for a couple hours, go to class for three hours, go to the nursing home to get patient information, eat dinner, read for a pharmacology quiz, take said quiz, do a pharmacology case study, type up patient information and look up all their drugs (thankfully only 8), read some more, wash scrubs, socks, underwear, and sports bra in the sink because none are clean, make dinner and prep meals for the next day, finish hand sewing my nurse purse

Wednesday: wake up at 6:30 for clinicals, take temperature to make sure I'm not contagious if I am sick, sadly accept that I am not contagious, go to cliniclas/simlab for 6 hours, head straight to lab for 3 hours, feel like I'm dying since I wasn't able to eat all day and realize my lunch has been out of the fridge for 6 hours and is now inedible (we did have a lunch break at 10:30 but after my first bite I didn't feel well so didn't eat my zoodles and amazing meatballs), head straight to babysitting for a couple hours and get there by riding my bike 2 miles in the sleet/snow/rain/WINDDDD-so-strong-I-almost-fell-off-my-bike without a hat/helmet/gloves/jacket, only wearing my Patagonia sweater because I forgot everything at home, eat emergency BLT's as soon as I get home because STARVING, then make something more substantial so I have leftovers for the next day

Thursday: wake up at 6 and drive an hour to Sedona to babysit for 10 hours, drive home, go to the store for the best grain free pizza crust because dinner is not being made tonight, also make emergency brownies and eat half the batter raw, from my fingers, with my pants unbuttoned

Friday: take a test for pathology, write a clinical journal, fill out patient information for SimChart, read, babysit for 6 hours, babysit for another 4 hours

Saturday: read, do breathing patterns case study, work for 4 hours (seems like such a short shift!), and prepare to start a whole other week

Within all of these places I have to be, I also cook 99% of the food we eat (with Vince's help! he's not a total dud of a husband) that is almost always real, whole foods that is mostly paleo, read books for leisure, work out, do yoga, paint my nails (clear, because we can't wear colors and it's such a waste of time but whatever), cuddle with my dog, 'decorate' my house, hangout with friends, spend time with my husband, have a decently clean bathroom, and get 7-9 hours of sleep.

Every time I talk to my grandpa he asks, 'So how long can you keep this up for?' and I always laugh, but then get nervous in the back of my mind. I feel sane and I don't feel completely stressed out, but I am definitely looking forward to graduating in a couple years. Then when I'm a nurse I'll only work three days a week and I'll have to take up a million hobbies to fill my time with. Or have a million babies. Either way.

Also, if it seems like I'm complaining, it's my blog so shut up. Also, here are some random instagram pictures since I haven't been posting any on my blog recently. Actually, never mind I'm too lazy to download them so you can just go look at them on my instagram @iffyinklings.

Limiting Electronics

This semester I have had a lot of down time. In previous semesters I have always worked a ton, was in class 4-5 days a week, and overcommitted myself. Honestly, a hectic and crazy life is when I thrive the most! This semester, because it was the start of the big scary nursing program, I cut waaaaaay back. I'm still somehow finding myself working between 20-30 (and sometime 50+ and sometimes 0) hours a week between my regular job and all the families I nanny for, but it's work I enjoy so it doesn't seem like work. (Barf. Anyways.) On top of that, I only have classes two days a week, one four hour day and one ten hour day. I also have been purposefully not committing to a lot of things, trying to keep my stress level down. And honestly, my stress level HAS been way down! But I also find myself getting bored.

Between being prescribed a way too high dose of hyperthyroid meds that sent me into being hypothyroid and thus EXHAUSTED all the time, and not actually needing to do anything at a specific time, the past few weeks (dare I say months?) I have been getting sucked into the internet and Netflix. And once I fall down that dark whole it's sooooo hard to crawl out of it!

Structure is extremely important for me to be functional, as is having a purpose. So to have five days free every week (theoretically) makes me feel like I have no purpose. Of course I could be studying, but honestly how much studying can one do? And it is so easy to get caught in the trap of, 'Oh, I'll just study later, after this. Actually, it can just wait until tomorrow since I have nothing else to do then!' When I am busy I feel the time crunch and know I have to do something right then, because I will have no time later. So at the moment I am stuck in the perpetual, 'I'll have time later!' thought process.

Somehow this whole situation has not affected my schoolwork, thankfully, but it just makes me feel like a giant turd. I do have things to get done around the house, projects that need finishing, laundry to be cleaned, but have been so unmotivated to do it. So to remedy that, I'm trying to create a schedule for myself. It is waaaaay past due considering this semester is over halfway over, but whatever. Here are some ideas I've proposed to myself:

Limit laptop use that is not related to homework to 30 minutes per day. I will happily sit on my couch with my laptop and waste the day away, but chances are I would never do that at my desktop because the chair is not that comfortable. I can, however, do homework on it, because again, I'm not very likely to sit at the desktop for a long period of time.

Only check Facebook twice a day with a maximum of 15 minutes total. It is sooooo easy to get caught up with Facebook and every time I check it I'm always thinking, 'WHY AM I DOING THIS?! I don't care about 90% of the shit I just read!' I've already had it deleted from my phone for a while, so now I'm going to wean myself away bit by bit.

Only check Instagram twice a day with a maximum of 10 minutes total. I feel like I should also limit how many times I post a picture? I usually limit myself to one a day, though, so I don't think it'll be a problem. Anyways, it's such a handy thing to entertain myself with pretty much anytime I don't have something to do for longer then 0.5 seconds (think in line at the grocery store, while waiting for a meeting, before class, during breaks, etc) and it's not something I need to be doing.

No TV during the day from Monday-Thursday. Vince and I wind down together with the TV at night, but I have no reason to watch it during the day. Vince is at work those days so I can use this time to do homework, go to class, clean, craft, read, work out, cook, etc. Hopefully this means I can get most of my schoolwork done during the week so that weekends are free. (Though I still have to work.)

No electronic on Saturdays. I talked to Vince about this and though it took convincing, he is on board with me! I think this will be extremely beneficial to us because as with all electronics, it's so easy to always be on our phones, or watching TV 'together' or surfing the internet. So to have a whole day to reconnect every week will be great, and with summer coming it'll be a perfect day to plan day trips and be outside. Granted, we are already outside a lot anyways, but now Vince won't have to be annoyed with, 'Hold on, I want to take a picture of this!'

Do not work on homework when Vince is home. There are so many nights where I'm in another room getting a quiz finished late into the evening after Vince is home from work, when I'd rather be spending time making dinner with him. I have no excuse for not getting it done earlier in the day.

I'm hoping that by instilling these 'rules' for myself I'll be able to find some inspiration within my days to do useful things around the house. I guess now that I type everything up it's not really a schedule for my day, but in a way it is because it will force me to actually do stuff during the day instead of sit on the computer or watch streaming shows. I'm going to make up a little sign to tape on my TV/laptop and I'll let you know how it works!

Balancing Act

The past couple weeks I've just felt like I might EXPLODE at any second. Like a bomb waiting to go off as I run on my mouse wheel from one location to the next. Luckily, I acknowledged I've been feeling this way and have been doing things to counteract that feeling.

I really like consistency, a lot. To a certain extent, I like doing the same thing over and over because it establishes a routine, and I like routines. I brush and floss my teeth the exact same way every time, starting in the top right (outer side of tooth to inner side), going to the left, then to the bottom right and back to the left. I wash dishes with the same methodology every time, fold all my towels the exact same way and if Vince does it differently I will refold it. I do this not only because it is extremely efficient (that's one of my favorite words, I LOVE efficiency) but because I know the outcome every time. I know how long it will take me to brush and floss, how many dishes I can wash before I have to change the water, and know that my towels will fit on the shelf perfectly and look nice.

I also like when there is a time for everything and I know what I have to do at specific moments throughout the day. The past few weeks have not had any kind of consistency to them, and it's been stressing me out. I've changed my work schedule a few times, changed my class schedule, changed my sleeping schedule, classes were canceled some days...too much change, even though I usually like it!

On top of that, I haven't been able to exercise as much, which is something I view as even more important than studying, but I haven't had time for that, either. Food is the number one thing in my life (because without healthy food, the rest of my life seems to crash and burn...I can't do much when I feel like crap!) and at the end of the day, that's all I've had time for.

But (there's always a but!) I've been working on that. This biggest and most helpful thing I've done is created this little sheet for the week that I can fill in the Sunday before.

I've written stuff down on it for next week, and already I feel SO much less stressed. After seeing it visually, I know everything is manageable and that I can easily handle the work/school load I have. I think my major problem before was that I wasn't able to have a complete grasp on everything that needed to be done, so I was constantly worrying that I was forgetting something, or imagining that I had so much more work to do than I really had. Now I just have to glance at the sheet and know that it's not all that much! Well, it's still a lot, but it's more manageable.

I've also been working on scheduling and organizing my time so that I do have moments to take care of all aspects of my life. I plan certain things on days that are easiest, like preparing snacks for the week on Sunday after grocery shopping and a few lunches for the days I'm not at home on a break, having my long workouts on days when I don't have a heavy class schedule, etc. Instead of waiting until I have time to do something, I just put it on the schedule.

Snacks!

Lastly, I've been saying no to things I know I can't do. I've been asked to volunteer for a couple things, watch a friends kid, help with this or that, and I've had to say no. I am such a people pleaser and it's really really hard for me to turn someone down, but for my sanity, I've had to do it! Saying no is what has allowed me to take time to myself, like going on a hike today with my best friend, and then going on a run on my own after. If I had said yes to all the things asked of me, I wouldn't have had an entire two days to myself this weekend! I only have one 'me' day since the other day is dedicated to school work and food prep for the week, but one day is enough to recharge myself for the week.

So that's that! I have 55 hours a week I need to be somewhere specifically which doesn't include homework time, I make all my meals at home, I need to workout multiple days a week and take care of my dog, and I need have a good relationship with my husband. Somehow it's all working out and I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

Full.

Life has been so invigorating and happy and challenging and tiring and full. There has been no time to sit down and write about my life because I've simply been living it. I wake up and go go go until I'm ready to lay my head on my pillow or relax with a book, and I've been enjoying it. That's how I want my life to be; full.

As you can imagine, after my miscarriage I was just...destroyed. I don't even have words to explain it. I allowed myself to sit with that for a few days and just feel it. But then I decided that instead of continuing to sit there I was going to fill my days with all the things that made me feel happy and alive and well. So I've been doing just that. I've been riding my bike, baking paleo brownies that are perfect, painting things 'Sunshine Yellow', reading books, driving fast with the windows down and my hair flying, applying for and starting a new job, playing in the rain, cuddling with my dog and husband, going to see one of my favorite bands, and tending to my garden that is producing so many strawberries I get a few to eat each day and still have some to share with the neighbors.

The thing I've been enjoying the most is exercising and feeling my body continue to get so strong. I'm physically seeing a huge difference in my body and it's such a fun thing to see new muscles pop up! It's also mentally clearing to get out and do something that requires some good concentration.

So with that, I'll leave you a ton of pictures and a promise to write again, but maybe not soon. I'm not sure. I'm busy living, folks.

I started to say that the weather has been really wet so there are tons of caterpillars, but then I remembered it's worms that show up in an abundance in response to rain. Either way, tons of caterpillars everywhere!

Paleo brownies that a friend posted on FB. SO GOOD! Better than any brownie I've ever had. Ever. After cutting them up I individually wrapped some up to keep in the freezer so I wouldn't eat them all in a couple days. Except I did because they are even better frozen since they don't freeze hard because of the coconut oil!

I bought a 1/4 cow! It'll go to the butcher the beginning of September and I'll have fresh grass-fed beef that was raised 7 miles from my house.

Everyone deserves a pair of pink shorts.

Yellow paint can #1.

I saw Streetlight Manifesto at Hard Rock Live in Vegas. I cried from pure happiness. I've now seen 4/5 of my favorite bands!

Strawberries for days.

Rain for days.

Date ride with Vince.

Books! That aren't on the Kindle! 22 so far this year.

We both loved the hideous carpet at the hotel in Vegas. 

Sedona.

Yellow paint can #2.

'Noatmeal' made from ground almonds, coconut flour, maple syrup, and an egg.

Sunday Farmer's Market. I'm too poor to buy anything more.

Diaper butt.

Painted the old sewing cabinet from my grandma. I was worried she'd hate it, but she loved it!

After the rain.

I always want to spell it Instagraham.

I know, I still have to finish our Tucson trip and the post is almost ready! Maybe this is my way of holding on to vacation. Once I post about it, it means the trip is really over. As if having to wake up at 7am and go to school and work wasn't a good enough indicator. Whatever. Here's some Instagram photos.

Homemade paleo thin mints. Holy shit, these were the best cookie I've had, ever. I've made them three or four time in the past couple weeks. Go make them, now! And keep them in the freezer, they are a zillion times better. || Someone must have sinned pretty bad because Jesus was not happy with Flagstaff.

Roxi and I went on a run in the woods after it snowed and we both had the best of times. It was kind of magical. || Homemade raw yoghurt with frozen blueberries and a dribble of local honey.

Sarah at Yes and Yes recommended everyone buy a pair of Rockstar jeans from Old Navy because they are awesome, fit well, and go far enough up your back that your butt doesn't show, yet doesn't make you feel like a grandma. I've NEVER listened to anyones advise regarding clothes because my body is whack and doesn't fit in things right because I'm so tall and skinny, but I took a chance and bought a pair anyways. AMAZING. I need to buy more. They are normally $34, were on sale for $28, and I got an additional 15% off that along with free shipping. So worth it. I got a size up based on reviews and they are perfect! Oh, and they have short, regular, and long sizes! || Laughing is good for the soul.

Grapefruit is so dang good. || A peek at how we do our laundry using a Wonderwash and a Spin Dryer.

After the snow, the sun came back for a while meaning I could wear tanktops for a brief period!

Duh. || I had some extra juice leftover so I used it as the liquid for a smoothie. I combined frozen strawberries, homemade raw yoghurt, chia seeds and the juice that had celery, beets, carrots, broccoli stalks, kale, and Brussels sprouts. It was fantastic.

Sweet shirt I got on vacation. HP fo lyfe! || Roxi pooped on the lawn of a muti-million dollar house down in Phoenix. Then she rolled in the grass.

Another shirt I got on vacation: ZEBRAS! || Work life.

This lady at my gym. She had her shoes off, feet up, and was eating cotton candy and drinking a soda. Just go home. || New workout clothes. Thank you, Tar-jay.

Roxi guarding the door at Run Flagstaff while Vince was getting new shoes. || Warm weather means shorts for workouts!

I got my Joe Sorren trading cards and I can't wait to frame them for a future nursery! || Spring has arrived, wind and all, so I bought a new plant to add to the million I already have.

Follow me on Instagram @iffyinkling and leave your Instagram in the comments so I can follow you!