Most parents have 9 months to adjust to the idea of bringing another person into their home, but us? Two hours. TWO. We got a call at 1pm saying a baby needed a home and Little Dude was dropped off at 3pm without so much as a diaper. Luckily we had cloth diapers on hand. So now that we're two months into parenting two kids, I feel like we're doing pretty good.
The biggest thing I've struggled with is questioning myself about treating him like he's my own. There is an endless supply of love, but I wonder if I'm giving him the same amount of attention as Devin and I'm not sure if it's because I didn't give birth to him or if it's because he's a second child and they always seem to get the shit end of the stick? Like with Dev I didn't want to give her grains until a year old and didn't get a walker for her because they can be bad for development. But with Little Dude we dump a handful of Cheerios on the ground and let him crawl around to eat it, and I just bought a jumper last week so that I can have two seconds without chasing a baby to clean the house. (Though Dev claims the walker as her own...) I'm 99.9% sure that everything about my parenting towards him is because he's a second child, but I still question it!
I'm finally starting to feel okay going places with both kids. The second week we had him I took them both to the gym daycare which is a long walk through the parking lot and up a long, steep flight of stairs, and it was so awful. He was falling asleep so I brought him in the carseat and Devin had a meltdown and needed to be carried, plus I had my gym bag on. I for sure thought we'd fall down the stairs. Then after my workout Devin had another meltdown when she saw me and refused to walk or be strapped into her carseat and Little Dude was screaming because he pooped and needed food. I swore I'd never leave the house with them again. But alas, in the past week I've taken them to a concert downtown (my step sister was a finalist in a regional talent show) that was past their bedtime, to Target, and to the gym. And we survived!
Some things that have helped us get out: baby wearing (duh), baby wearing both of them (not ideal, but you gotta do what you gotta do), a carabiner for my keys, getting Little Dude into his seat fed and diapered before dealing with Devin, ignoring crying baby/toddler by turning the music up, using a backpack as a diaper bag, getting Devin excited to help me, e.g. "You would be such an awesome big girl if you feed Little Dude for a minute," and bribing Devin with chocolate and popcorn in the car. Parenting at it's finest.
Sleep has gotten much better. Norovirus finally pooped itself out so Little Dude just wakes at 1am and 4am, then 6am for the day. He was waking up a lot more than that so I did some sleep training and it helped a lot. Not totally cry it out, just fuss it out? Again, something I never did with Dev until she was like two, so is it because I'm not worried about him crying or because I'm so fucking tired? Pretty sure it's the latter because I'M SO FUCKING TIRED. It's just not sustainable to be up all the time and I'm pretty sure I'd have to do it with any subsequent children. His naps are all over the place, though. He has visits with his parents right around nap time and it throws him off for the whole day, and he often won't take his second nap on those days then goes to bed early then wakes early and that leads me back to so fucking tired.
Luckily everything is really helped by the fact that Dev is over most of her jealousy and just loves the Little Dude. She now understands that sometimes his needs have to come before hers and she isn't needing to be so involved to the point of it being difficult, like when she was insisting on putting him to bed with us. She still tries to be the boss of him though, as pictured below. Ha! They also both love being outside so it's perfect timing that summer is here and we can be in the sunshine for hours at a time most days. Having two kids definitely makes me get way more stir crazy staying in the house!
Overall, this has been quite the journey so far and we're happy to have a family of four for now!
Quite the transition but you sure are rocking it!!
ReplyDeleteNo seriously, you do everything in the gold standard with your first. Your quality of parenting goes down with each kid. I keep telling people that know that I'm up to four kids my goal is to just keep them alive. Lucy is 10 months and I'm poor and I'm like.. how bad is it REALLY if I say fuck it and just wean her to whole milk now instead of two months from now? Like, is two months going to make all the difference??? :/ lol. Just keep them alive, Steff! That's all ya gotta do!
ReplyDeleteI think you're an amazing person (you and Vince are amazing people) for just TAKING Little Dude. Like Sara says, just keep them alive and life is good.
ReplyDeleteI have seriously posted this comment three times and I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't get it to publish! Haha! But I'm determined to write it again because I have to tell you what a good job you're doing! I'd say you've handled the transition to two amazingly, considering you never had a pregnancy/the first few months of life to prepare to handle the needs that Little Dude has now.
ReplyDeleteAnd the differences in parenting between older/younger child are totally normal. You are learning to prioritize the most important parenting values and let the rest go!